memories_____

Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Sorry if i sound very 'lian' here. I think my neighbour needs a dildo for xmas very badly. Oh oops, I don't think so. Because I think she's already fucked up. Haha!

Can you believe it? Everytime I open or close the door, she would open her door step out of the house and SEE ME! Ok that's not the main point. HOW DARE SHE POKE HER NOSE INTO OUR FAMILY AFFAIRS. Keep ngiaming at my mom when she's outside. Never step on a doggy's tail even if it looks like it's already tamed. She has indeed really nothing better to do I suppose. And shouldn't be people in poor financial position, be thinking how to get richer?

- evileen

Friday, November 21, 2008

If given a choice, I wouldn't want to be me. Hearing those heart-stabbing words from the mouth of a parent, I just feel like I'm a bastard. (No. If you're wondering if I'm a illegitimate child, I don't think I am.)

But my mind wanders. I can't help to think that way.

Just because I said something like, "wahh you're fully utilising me to the fullest" <-- Ok, be it that I'm 100% free or busy (like preparations for my exams), I get ticked off with, "If I have known this, I would have killed you before you're born." ( And halo?? Don't ever think I'm born with a silver spoon like everyone of you. No. I don't get allowance since 19 which is normal la haha. I work since I'm 16 k. AND I PAY FOR MY SCH FEES! Because I don't like oweing more obligations to people.) My blood is a 'B+'. Obviously, it's different from all my family members. They are 'A+' (parents) and 'O' (my brothers.). This always adds on to my suspicion if I really belong to this place. (Ok, stop thinking that I'm not a illegitimate child. >.<><" K.. Am I suffering from depression now? Sometimes my mind just turned so weak that I broken down and cried. I need a break man..

Should I follow the Taiwan President, Chen Sui Bian? -__- This seriously kills my appetite now..

- evileen

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Today is going to be the day for my mock exam for corporate and business law. Sien ok.. Why moms cannot be understanding.. I don't understand why. Is it that old people are like these? I often hear old women talking on the train about negative things about others, like politics etc. Would they love it when people talks about them too? Just a general remark on old women.. What is it that makes them this way?

Every lil thing seems like a problem to them. But why. For those people who doesn't even bother about studying, because your school fees is paid by your parents, do you know how hard it is for me to study? I can't possibly go library, but fucking AMK doesn't allow that lol. And if i were to go downstairs, there are old women again ok.. gossipers.. and even lunatics and gangsters.. and at night you would probably hear them fighting.. And if i were to go to school and just for studying (which im kinda not comfortable with, like some people just looks at you as if you're some alien, yea i get that when on train.. especially OLD WOMEN again haha.) Yea.. for your info, my school have many myanmanese, quite eccentric people at times, but friendly for some. But I just finds it kinda uncomfortable when they keeps staring at your notes.. like every time you try to write something. (not that its something that missed from copy from the lecture's screen. its my own notes!)

Being niamed again today. Totally kills my mood for study. Not that I'm whining about it, but it just doesn't go to my brain anymore! Like there's a huge heavy lock there, that's forbidding any entrance or gists of informations. $@^%$^@^@$^

My mood is already not that good these days, altho I don't really show it.. I know I have been going out but its all because of these reasons. I had have enough. Missing my favourite tv programmes.. (even if it's the last episode)... I need some fun too.. Ok I should try to squeeze some bits of company law in my brain now. Tata!

- evileen

Saturday, September 06, 2008

This shall be my ranting ground. So dont mind me. ( I hope no one will still link to this blog though.)

Sometimes I feel so angry that I could feel my blood vessels like really going to burst.

Like right now.. I seriously need some peace. Why is that dude playing the songs loudly from morning till now? And it's getting really fucked up. All the songs of Corrine May, WTF? And all those songs that really make you going to into a deadly sleep.

Ok, not to mention that he slams the door or whatever things when he got home. Whatever, I don't care. Mom told us not to touch certain food (that only he gets entitled to eating), ok I don't take that really to heart because I'm kinda used to it. And today I feel really fucked up. Why? It's because I just want some peace to myself. I tried studying. Yes. This sounds weird, but really I'm trying.

He keeps walking past the desk I was studying. Thats really irritating. Like, more than 10 times, but he actually had no purpose in walking to the kitchen? -_-"

Then I played PSP, and then I left it in "paused" mode when I needed the loo. Ya, he looked at it. I think he walked around the desk is just to look at my things -_-, probly wondering what school I'm studying in or modules?

Morning-

her: you dont touch the other things ok, didnt bring enough money earlier, so bought you yam cake.
(Dude, dont ever assume that people who bring not enough money is poor ok. Did you not bring enough money before? If you are assuming that, I tell you, I'm richer than you for sure. How's that?)

me: ok.

---
I had stomachache. I don't really mind to eat that even if i didnt have the stomachache. Serious.

But when she told me,
--

her: You eat this for now, later I buy something you prefer to eat. Want fishball noodle?
(No, because she alrdy bought it in the morning.)

me: No not that, I want wanton mee. (everyone knows thats my fave ok.)

--

She came back, with lots of stuff, helped her to clean and pack the eggs to the proper place.

Ok.. While I'm checkng my 'monetary stuff' (a secret.)

She asked me to go and eat lunch. Ok, then I saw that unwashed bowl with the wanton's veggie remaning and chilli on the table. Im really speechless ok.

Every single day, he leaves his bowls and plates on the table. But no one says anything.

He ate my only pack of wanton mee (not the first time alrdy- MANY TIMES ok), and I have to bear with the spicy londong despite my upset tummy.

-- Earlier She told me to get her something, and I said, "headache".

Because she heard it too often. She always presumed that I'm lying. Giving it as an excuse to skip the chores. WTH? And I get scolding, instead of getting concerned about. Ok, if I'm ever going to die soon, I won't tell anyone.

Headache could be due to the stress.. and specially that noise (songs) that has being playing for hours, like since.. 12pm+ to 6pm (which is now and yes, the songs are still playing.)
--

Whenever she buys lunch or dinner.. She would say things like, "let him choose first before you eat."

Or Im terribly starved......... She says, "I think he won't want to eat that, so you eat."

Oh so it's always giving in to him. But why?

---

A dysfunctional family like this, parents play a role too. If you hadn't been treating him the 'special' way, why would he become so arrogant until this day?

And we're being treated like this.

Sometimes when I'm upset with something that concerns her, I really would wonder if I really belong to the family.

Because my blood is a B+. My parents are A. My brothers are O.

So... I would often have wild imaginations, and end up feeling depressed on my own.

:D But oh well, I'm really feeling better after writing this entry.

Have a good weekend =) - to my readers.

- evileen

Friday, February 15, 2008

For some reasons we would think back what has happened in the past. It was about a gathering that a group of people said that it's for gathering and when I said I wasnt attending it, they changed it to "my birthday celebration" sort of thing. "We will be paying for your share." And it striked me how much was that.. $1 each?

A friend whom I had talked to about it, told me she actually went to ask around why is it like that, like no sincerity, and how's the present, is it ready? The answers were like, "It's supposed to be a surprise!!" (Ahuh? Like how long ago was the birthday) And, "We are buying the present."

In the end, I didnt go. Couple of weeks later when we had another gathering, I did go, and nothing.

----

And how about err someone telling you that your birthday is coming (for about one week).

1st day of that one week:
"Hey your birthday is coming!"

2nd day of that week:
"Hey your birthday is coming!"

3rd day of that week:
"Hey your birthday is coming!"

4th day of that week:
"Hey your birthday is coming!"

5th day of that week:
"Hey your birthday is coming!"

6th day of that week:
"Hey your birthday is coming!"

7th day of that week:
"Hey your birthday is coming!"

Actual day:
You meet the same group of people. And nothing happens.
---

Ha! Is that funny? Its a real life based story.

- evileen

Monday, January 14, 2008

I see evil next to me. Selfishness and all I could see. Sometimes it was hurting to talk. Having someone to say, "you make me feel like slapping you." Sometimes it made me not wanting to talk at all.

I feel neglected whenever I go to XXXXXXX. I feel neglected at home, but lesser. Since Im not that really matter to anyone. I guess it doesnt matter what I do, or do nothing. Some people could just be like, sucked into the com when they are msning just like what my father told, me when I was gaming. But it wasnt that bad for me. I still talk to people when they talk to me, at least. I dont tell people I want to slap them. Especially to someone that your not really close to.

Sometimes you tell me bad things about people. But why doesnt people think of what they've done. Their own actions might be even more ugly than what the person they have been talking about all the time. I think I dont just feel neglected, but also disgusted at what humans are doing. Its annoying. And that slapping comment, I should be the one to say that.
Boo.. *thumbs down*

- evileen