Saturday, May 26, 2007
Nothing ever seems right recently. And crying seems to be becoming part of my pastime. Now i dont care so much about my workload already, I will just leave at 5.30pm (the knock off time). I wont stay till night time, i will head home and rest and go online.
Seriously, didnt want to turn this into a negative blog but, my life kinda sucks at this stage.
Like when you're feeling all so lost, and stressed, and ok for me, sometimes i dont know where im heading coz im super blur >< --> Once, i even almost walked into a guy's toilet until my colleagues asked, "You want to come in?"
My mom keep asking me to go and start furthering my studies. But she never consider the possible outcomes and the requirements for studying. Just like how my parents never consider family planning -.- (sometimes i think if i had never exist on this world before, they might be better well off, coz one less child to support)
They didnt consider about the money that i would need for studying. Like i havent even get my first pay yet! And i always tell her im so stressed at work. She thinks that im exaggerating it >< and she told me that, "everything that you do, makes you stressed ha."
If you just got started on a job, and you are so new to everything, theres so much to learn. And, definitely you would feel very stressed, and your mom still wants you to study right after you knocked off from work. I really get the thought of, "hey do you really want me to die that badly?"
The good part about working is, erm (havent come yet though), is getting salary, get better meals when you get home. You get to talk to people, (although sometimes you dont want it, but still you have to), like customers.. your bosses.. your colleagues etc.
AND the bad parts are so many!
1. You're working all the time, you're wondering why people can keep walking to pantry and always get a cup of water every one hour, and why people are looking at those things when you peeped at their screen.
2. You do so much till you really really wonder what are those other people in the office doing. Like, hey this isnt my work actually, its their work!
3. Sometimes when you wanna pee so urgently, but your work keeps stopping you, coz they're urgent too. If late by one minute, you will cause the company to get fined in thousands.
4. You cant really go out with other people that are not from your office, eg. your friends.
5. You cant do your own things when you're working, except using the toilet or drinking water.
6. You must sound firm and happy to customers even though you're sleepy or having bad mood.
7. You get locked outside the house when you go out with friends for a dinner.
8. You get online when you're back home from work, and you get irritating people like your cousin asking, "playing conquer?"
9. Your mom thinks you never do enough. She would make you do something whenever you're at home.
10. Your father thinks you're doing nothing when you returned back home from work, scolds you, and gets you to do chores (to help the mother out ).
11. You cant do much things when you start working. Your parents are restricting you from almost everything except for eating peeing shitting sleeping and drinking. And when you told them you're not getting any freedom, they would simply ask you to move out and they will wash the hands of you. --> But this could lead to severing ties.
Erm, thats just some parts of the bad points, and there are still many many many more!
- evileen
Monday, May 21, 2007
I'm feeling numb.
- evileen
Saturday, May 19, 2007
It has a been a long time! Haha since i have last blogged.
Man, i love weekends. 5/7 of my life is like working, while the 2/7 is weekends!!
At least for the old office, i have worked till like 10pm+ almost everyday (though also sometimes i also dont know what im doing), but yea, some things still need to be done first, like preparing some *shouldnt name the name of that thing, incase my colleague happen to find my blog =0*, so yea, preparing *something* for the next day, so the next day wont have to hurry until like hell. Sometimes, certain things are so urgent, and yet you have to spend alot of time analysing it first, before making some "big decisions" when your boss is not around. Like you have to seek your manager's approval for some urgent stuff, but none of them are in, so you have to take a "risk", and make sure that what you have decided is right. (Ok, this only happened one time, luckily the manager approved xD)
Ok ignore that part, also dont know what im saying.
I was posed a question, "Do you feel happy working here?"
LOL, and my answer was, "Yea.. For one hour, which is the lunch break." xD
But maybe heaven has arranged it in such a way that i met these people to set goals for myself. I will pick myself up and maybe surpass this type of people one day. Haha, bitch (my meanie boss), just wait and see. *Evil laughter*
And some people are just so nice, they went out at 12pm for lunch, but i went out (alone) at 12.30pm to find them, (supposed to have lunch together with those closer colleagues all the time), and when i got there, i thought they have finished their food! =0 Like the table is so empty, they were like only sipping their pineapple juice or barley drink. Then the blur me, was thinking of buying food, and they say ,"yea yea we have finished ours" Then later when i wanted to go and get a drink first, they told me, "EH wait, dont buy food ok, we have already ordered yours" =0 And the meal costed them $60! And they wanted to treat me o.O (also weird leh, why only me), so a colleague went to order snacks, wanted to buy for them, then i paid for it. (the meanie boss is not included in this group of nice people) That meanie boss ate my snack hor *cough cough* Never ask her to eat it! But nvm ba, X_x just a piece of snack.
--
I think im getting into a state of depression. My mom keep picking on me today as well. She isnt happy to see me using the laptop (like for only today and tomorrow i can use it? or some rare and random lucky days that i can get home earlier) She is trying her best to make me do chores for her. Like some things, really make you wonder, "cant these things be done at the time when im working?!" And you would start thinking if she accumulated it to make you work more. And Im crying right now. Like you feel that there's a stone or something stucked in your chest, and you feel like letting it out.
--
Im very sure its not just me. But the people dislike that meanie boss as well. Even for those who are not under her. Especially from the other department, for those older ones. They will use sarcastic sentences.
I wanted to pass something to a salesperson, and i didnt know where he's seated, coz there were like many offices, i dont want to go around and around. So i happened to walk past a colleague, then i asked, "do you know where this **** is seated?" Then she told me. And the other colleague (which is from her departement) asked me, "Your supervisor never intro to you?" Actually she didnt =), but i didnt answer that question anyway.
Then after i have passed that document and walked back to my office, the meanie boss came to me and asked, "Why did you ask them? Cant you ask our own people? Now you know you get shoot by the people so how do you feel?" Then she gave a cunning smile. ( i was thinking like, wth? When i asked you, you said you dont know, or you will say, "Now i give you a challenging task, find out yourself." -_-, or just ask me to check yellow pages when i needed customers' contact. WHAT THE FUCK?!) And the older people from other department, they always come to me, and they think they needed to teach me something de. Not like my own department, i have to walk to them , and ask, and sometimes they are not happy, they wont give you an answer. And frankly speaking, i dont think think im the one being shooted at, coz that colleague doest like her. XD My other colleague told me that, when they overheard all these.
--
And another salesman disliked her as well. At first it was a misunderstanding for my part. I thought the customer is supposed to be paying a cheq, but then turned out to be a girl payment. And everyone who can collect the "cheq", is not free, so i was thinking of another date with the customer. I was like asking, "So its a cheq payment right?" "Yea yea.." ( or maybe my phone is too soft, i could hardly hear very well)
And then, the salesman called me in a furious tone =\, and told me the customer scolded him? But when i called, the customer was on leave leh o.O Then actually later on i apologized, and he could understand that im a freshie and no one has taught me all these stuff before, so he could understand, and said its alright. Then we both already confirmed its a giro payment, and then he wanted me to check the with the bank, and i was like asking the meanie boss for the no. And she goes, "Why do you need it for?!" Then i told her that the salesman ask me to check if the funds is already inside our bank, (she dont even know the salesman no. -.-) then she asked me to call him and she answered the phone, and the way she speak to him, is like trying to pick up a fight, and create a problem. And the worse thing is, i have told her is giro payment, she still thought its cheq payment X_x, "Ok, this salesman wont be helping you in the future to collect the cheq, next time you have to ask the dispatch man"
Then i was like HUH?! I was thinking if the salesman, have cooled down, then got angry again by this call made by her. Then the other day i was passing something to someone in his office. He saw me like 2 times, and asked me to sit down like 2 times, and talked to me about her. At first he used the joke that i have made, when i was introducing to everyone myself in the cascade. =0 Introducing yourself to 100+ people.. So nervous =\, but i already made a joke, for about myself..the other new colleagues will say something like, "nothing much about myself", but i said, "I crack jokes to people but i laugh myself"
Then the salesman was like using this joke to make me laugh a lil, then he said till im very pitiful leh o.O, "You know.. She isnt helping you. You know why her name is like that? Coz she is using you." (If you're chinese, you will know what is "using" in chinese, yea thats her name)
Lol, every time i walk into his office to pass something to someone. He will say something. Like the other time he said, "You have a very good supervisor.. Very good.. (gives a stern face) Good until.. She doesnt help you at all" Sarcasm la =\ But, im so glad that so many people can understand my plight, and that im trying hard to learn on my own. And one colleague will ask me if im ok lol. 2 or 3 meanies but so many nice people around. XD
Dont know what to say already. But whenever i talk to people, i keep feeling that there's still so much that i have not said. And sometimes it so much that i dont know how to express myself, till i become very quiet.
- evileen
Saturday, May 12, 2007
Everyone knows working life sucks. I do know too. But my workload is like so heavy, till i dont even have the chance to slip out for lunch with my other colleagues. And another point is, i have never handled accounts stuff before, even during internship, so it was like 200% more harder for me. (Which is in total 300%)
Ok, why is it 300%?
The first 100%, would be the most commonly thought, "Working life sucks."
While the 2nd 100%, is due to poor handover of job. Someone is supposed to guide me my jobscope, like a week before they resigned. But there was none for me! At the start, i thought my supervisor is friendly, but it turned out she's....
She's.....
Umm Umm Umm...
She's......
=0 She's a MEANIE!!! ( My friend came to my table and asked me, "Eh changed shirt?" Then she was like talking to me about something, then she just said to him, "Can you please go away?" What the fuck, if im him, haha provided that i dont want to work there anymore i will say, "So what if i dont? You're gonna fuck me huh?")
She only know her stuff only, she doesnt know my stuff, ok maybe some. (You might be wondering, how the fuck she become supervisor xD) Everything that she taught me, is like not exact enough, i dont think she's a good coach and that the things she taught me, is kinda different from what the assistant manager have said.
She's biased towards the guy who is doing her *** ***** stuff. So patient for a guy. -_- As for girls, she will
%@$%$^@^@$^@$^, and she dont even know how to teach me properly, still blame me! And im new.. the assistant manager sometimes will, give a puzzled look, but he would always say its alright, coz im still new xD
Imagine you're new to the place. You dont even know all the people there. Many faces that you have yet seen, but they are the one you're supposed to liase with. And no one tells you your jobscope. ( but last week the ex staff came to teach me, she's so nice :) she gave me herself)
You're just alone on your own. People keep coming to you to do things for them, and you dont even know if its within your jobscope. If you have doubts of something, you cant ask the supervisor, and you're all on your own. This is what she would say, "Ok, now i give you a challenging task, solve it on your own."
For trivial matter she also get so worked up, starting to dislike her alot lol (i should stop this though). I have got the assistant manager's signature, and told him about the situation of the payment stuff already, if he signed it, means he's agreed to it, so i can carry on the procedure with effect. And she's blaming me for >< releasing orders on my own?! What the fuck lol, its the assistant manager who wanted me to. Bah.
And the other colleague next to her. Look so old and vain one la. Act gentle only. XD omg why am i talking like this?! When i ask her something she seem so annoyed, is it because she's not happy that im the youngest person in the company? =D Old fag hahahahahaha. And for the other new guy, he dont even have to walk to her to ask. -_- She will walk to his table and teach him personally. HAHA FAG!! Want to court the lil boy eh? (lil to her la, but old to me) If im mean one day ar, i would say, "Eh, you think i will take it to heart? Young people wont take it against old people one" xD Later must get the black van to pick up the corpse haha.
Wanted to go for lunch with colleagues de. Either i forget the time, or im being held up by something, then i will not be able to join them for lunch :(. Coz the bus need to wait for like 30mins then will come la! The one and only.. And yesterday, i was alone at this busstop, the colleague i have mentioned in the last paragraph, came to the bustop and then she kept talking to another person, and i was like totally transparent there de lor, alone you know :(
Zzzz waited for so long the bus didnt come. My other colleagues called me and ask if i want "da bao" (takeaway) instead. But i dont want to stay in the office anymore! Then some mysterious car from our company came and stopped and asked us to hop in, so i did. That person is from our company de but i dont know them lol. So i went to look for the other colleagues and had lunch with them. Arrr finally got out of the wulu place!
My colleague told me im a fresh grad, and my jobscope is too much for me, but they told me to take it as an experience, so can learn more things. Now i understand why so many people left. I shouldnt be alone doing all those. Lol, but would the supervisor care?
So stressful at work le, but also quarrelled with parents everytime i come home. When i went out for dinner with friends, came back at 11.40pm she locked me outside the house. Then we quarrelled and quarrelled, i went to bathe and cried till 1am then sleep. The next morning i got swollen eyes, but still must go to work de ma. Then yesterday wanted to watch a lil tv when i got back home, then she dont let me watch. She say im just using the tv as an excuse to use laptop. But if she was right, is it wrong of me to use my own laptop? ( my hard earned de hor) Then now my parents dont like me le. Want me to move out of house soon. That week i was in super low mood. So depressed. Think of dying all the time to end all these. XD how funny
XD Yesterday my colleague said i look like a cartoon character. LOL! TWEETY BIRD?! Awww never heard the word, "cute" for so long liao. (thick skin now) xDxD
So i look like mickey mouse + tweety bird now huh?
All that i want now, is to live happily. =)
- evileen
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Man, lol i blogged 3 entries in a day. I really have alot to say.
I hate this thing man. Every moment, when im there sitting at somewhere, be it im busy or free, she would keep taking food to me. Wah piang, i said dont want, still pushed to me and scold(though i think this word is too simple for my case) me.
Sometimes she pushed just too much to me. And my father even said, "Eileen has a poor gastric, if she cant take it, then shouldnt force it. Because it will be harmful."
And cousin was asking me to make a copy of a movie for him. Kept asking so many times, and he say talking to me like talking to wooden block like that. Eh?! My words are full of emotions de ok!! Then i told him in general what happened to me at home, and the following were the extract of the conversation:
Actually he said, "QUICKLY ASK THEM TO DIE LA"
[ ] ^^ says:
ya i agree
[ ] ^^ says:
u kena too mch pressure once u enter working society
[ ] ^^ says:
i poly now also feel the pressure liao
[ ] ^^ says:
so its best to find a gd guy to marry, better than working like a cow to earn money
[ ] ^^ says:
though i agree that child bearing is really tough
[ ] ^^ says:
well.. .. i think let nature take the course it will best i think
[ ] ^^ says:
they talk to u, jus one ear in one ear out
[ ] ^^ says:
treat ur brain as cache
[ ] ^^ says:
cache = temporary memory storage
--
Im very anti against those people who said the people living in modern days are very lucky kids/people. They get to study and other stuff. But, in the end who suffer more?? The modern people.
They get to face new stress. And get under very tight control under the parents (only for some cases like mine), grow up like a robot, with foreseen circumstances and everything is planned for you. Someone else plan for you. You dont get your own thinking. You dont get to make choices for yourself. You dont get to use your brain even sometimes. You just get the stress and burden of having to support these people who have raised you up. The people who controlled you ever since young. Isnt it like a robot? Robot dont have to think. Its like computerised already, already programmed (instructed to do something, depending on the situation). Ok, maybe humans are worse than robots. Human-robots.
- evileen
Why cant life pause like a game or something. Like die once (game over), then reload credit, to relive again when you feel like it. Maybe one day, if i can take it no longer from the stress, that (mostly come from home), i would stage a drama (maybe real or maybe fake) and threatened to kill myself.
Imagine..
"Dont force me.. I dont want to do this" *Points the knife at the wrist*
"Ehh CHEE BYE WHAT ARE YOU DOING"
LMAO
But maybe i will, someday.
What the fuck, like im going to be 20. One more year im going to be a real adult. And, why is people controlling my life for me. Scold me for working late -> think its fun is it? As if i love to work like that.
She also must supervise me what clothes to wear for work. I cannot have my own liking or preference is it??? Is this my life or lim bu's life? Like wah lau. Come back for a while to play abit of games or chat, or sunday rest only (Wah piang even sunday ask me to sleep early FUCK!)
Fuck la, get the whole world to sex. FUCK FUCK FUCK
- evileen
wtf?! lol i blogged so much liao, i clicked publish, then its a blank entry.
And whats wrong with these buttons again. *sighs*
So these were what i actually wanted to blog about, but it turned out to be a blank entry so i deleted the blank entry.
Lol, i really wonder who reads my blog other than myself xD ok, thats out of the the topic.
Recently, im falling into the state of depression. My life is becoming a schedule.
6.00am - my phone alarms and i wake up and brush my teeth etc
7.00am - i leave the house, and travel for 1hr 30mins to my workplace
(take the train and change to another train and then take bus)
8.30am - started working
By right my knock off time is 5.30pm, but these days i stayed till 9pm for OT. Not that i want to stay but no choice :(
If it hits 7pm, i can take cab home and claim from the company for the cab fare. The taxi driver thought i dont know how to go home and asked if im a taiwanese. LOL! Do i look like a taiwanese?
Everynight, normally if im going to stay late i will call home to tell my mom that.
(to be continued later **)
When i get home, my mom will ask me to..
"QUICKLY BATHE!"
"QUICKLY EAT! EAT FASTER!"
"QUICKLY IRON YOUR CLOTHES!!"
"QUICKLY SLEEP!!"
This is worse than school ok. Can never have your own private time. Feel really stressed, working and at home.
And whats more, im a complete noob in the office. Everyone told me they didnt do a proper handover. So they got the old staff back to coach me this saturday, and she was really nice and patient. Always smiling =D So cool to have her back to teach me, and she said im going to be so busy that i wont be able to do some stuff. So she asked for someone to help me temporary for the filing stuff and archiving, shredding, etc. We stayed till like 9pm. My phone was spammed like hell. I was in the toilet before i actually heard my phone ringing. Everyone called me to scold me for not calling home to say im in the office. Made the mentor felt bad la ><" My phone kept ringing and ringing and she overheard me on my phone. She was like talking to me halfway. Then phone rang so many times. She gave me her contact, and asked me to call her if i need help at work, and that she would help me. So nice of her :D And she even wanted to call a cab for me when she's leaving together with me. And when her cab came, lol she kept walking back to me and talked to me. And also told me to be careful and stand at the security guard there, its dangerous outside. xD So caring. I told her i made horrible mistakes. And she said, "who wouldnt?" Really felt very encouraged by her. This was the first time I met this lady, but i felt so close to her already. :D
- evileen
Thursday, May 03, 2007
All these weeks seem pretty much like a question mark at this point of my life. What do i really want? What am i heading for? I dont know. Even if i have all the money in the world, i dont think i would be a happy person. But maybe at least, i would make my parents or my brother happy.
Somewhat, I dont really crave for the things that i really like in the past as much. (Examples like chocolates, any food la) And all the interests and likings seem to be dying. What has happened?!
Facing all the daily stress in the job, sometimes its really hard to hold back the tears. Like when talking halfway, I felt like crying (ok maybe im too emotional), i will look away (that kinda stopped me from going "Awwww" or self pity myself)
Some people are really nice. I was like, "OOPS" Then was kinda afraid to own up or something, but my conscious kept telling me to "GO GO GO!!!!!!!!!" If dont realise the mistake earlier, you will die harder. LOL! Just like the cherry tree story..
Some people are really helpful. Im so grateful and touched by these people. "If you do something wrong, no one can scold you, because you're a newbie" NEWBIE PWNS! LOL
Aiya, dont know what to say le. Alot of words to say, but its just so much. And i gotta sleep. :(
- evileen
Tuesday, May 01, 2007
Feel really stressed. Still unsure of many things at work. Today make some mistakes at work =( felt so bad. Today is month end, as i have presumed, i'd have to work OT or something. But went home at 9pm+, and i was alone when i headed out. The whole place was like so dim, so dark, and so quiet, and so remote. All alone there, waiting for a cab, but most of them were hired. I had a hard time getting one. So, asked my brother with a sms, "How to halt a cab". LOL!
And then, i was feeling so helpless and useless. Cant even halt a cab. ><" If you're wondering, actually i have not taken a cab on my own before, normally i take bus/train/get fetched. So.. Im a noob in this area as well.
Then my father told me he will come and drive me home. Then he said, if got bus then take bus or something. But the bus will never come la. When i was at the other side of the road, then the bus came. -_- It was too late for me to even run. For the one and only bus..
So, i was just maybe playing around with my luck. Tried halting a cab again, and then still, no cab stopping. And after some time, miraculously a cab stopped. And i hopped on, and i said the place, and the driver ask, "do you know which route to go?" I said no. And he told me he has to drop me, and he's really tired and said he live just around the area.(My house is damn far la) And yea he really did. Dropped me at the nearby shopping centre (at least got taxi stand there and crowded there la). AND ITS FOR FREE!!!
So, called brother up, and they came here to drive me home. Happy ending!!!
--
And i really really feel like a noob at work. I really wonder what i will become of in the future. I want to do something that can at least make myself proud of (some achievements). And dont understand why the asst. mnger kept saying sorry to me. >< Coz no one did a proper handover? He's going to get the old staff back and then can teach me and the other new staff.
- evileen