Wednesday, November 30, 2005
Closing my laptop lid for a moment.. and up the volume of the songs, and put on my headphones.. I feel so relaxed.. But all the songs played are love songs ><" Dont know how the wmp queue them up so nicely for me erm..how's the feeling of falling in love..?
Feeling quite busy X_X alot of things to do.. but end up never do anything XD, err maybe no.. wake up eevryday at 7am and go to sch.. and go home..in the evening.. sweep the floor.. fold the clothes.. abit here and there.. hmm.. X_X i think i did quite alot>? XD ( to me yes i think so )
Feeling very very hungry especially this period.. extraordinary hungry during evenings. And my mom will always be amazed at how HUGE my appetite has become. And she told me, " err.. X_X now then puberty>?" Sweat.. But i dont know X_X hope i wont grow taller.
Wee.. So nice.. to have people to rmb me ^_^ i will feel damn happie.. provided that they dont ask favour of me, or use me for something..><" 'cause normally i will get the wrong idea.. erm..that im being "used".
Nice oh.. Michelle =x the pretty girl ask me wanna go steamboat anot =x (drools at the thought of it) X_X STEAMBOAT!!! I want.. =x but i need to bank in some money over.. Wee.. by this week XD. I love to be "dated" by pretty girls. =X
- evileen
Saturday, November 26, 2005
I dont know why I've become like this. It might be due to depression. *cant possibly be stress*.
I dont like to talk to the people i used to talk to already. Or rather, i give up.
So, what i do is.. err blocked them X_X. ---> PY and Yune ( dont like her nick.. see also bu shuang, sounds like gangster already XD, but seriously feel like deleting them also le sigh)
okie.. that's all for today. Err... no.. I WAS SO FED UP JUST NOW WHEN I FOUND OUT MY BROTHER DID IT AGAIN. RESET THE ROUTER SETTINGS. LIKE WHAT THE HELL?!?!
THE ONLY THING HE WILL DO TO REBOOT THE THING IS TO RESET ><" SO PISSED OFF.. NEARLY FORGOT TO CONFIGURE IT BACK. LUCKILY I REMEMBERED.. there wont be anyone who will help me.. i have to rely on myself. AND I BOUGHT THE ROUTER okie?!?!$$$200!!!!!!
okie.. that's all for the complains for today ^^ feel happier after letting it out. And.. yea.. mother was stunned when i cooked a big pot of noodles for my dinner. SO MUCH NOODLES. Hehehe... so hungry *still drooling*..And she was drinking potato soup, and staring at my food, with mouth ajar. hehehe.. nice one. Ate so much.. i always feel famished at night. Sounds like a vampire eh? Dont know what's happening in me X_X i feel like a monster sometimes, easily annoyed and sad..And when it's ironical when i wanna go on a diet, feel like eating less, my stomach will defy my brain's orders. Sigh.. Every part of me is always so contradicting..what to do?
- evileen
Thursday, November 24, 2005
Stew Pig ME..
Im incompetent in almost everything. Dont know how to do tutorials.. So tired..Dont know how to do so many things.. Just now papa was asking me if the ink catridges are compatible, maybe im just lazy, so i said dont know.. but.. Hp catridges couldnt be compatible with Epson what.. as for the laser printer.. is another brand.. also not compatible..Fax tape roll... I never use.. how i know..And again, "Wah.. everything also dont know.. So old already, still so.." I know the word, "stupid". =(
Today very very "lucky". Went to library instead of lecture, to watch movie X_X due to the hot weather, wanna laze around before going home. Was watching while drinking bubble tea.. and then someone approached us and asked us for our student card and issued a warning notice to us. Only drink ma..The shop is situated in the library..why cant we drink in the library?? X_X
So sian 1/2..wanna buy something in amk central.. saw pig again.. =x But i didnt wanna say hi each time. X_X So as usual, looked elsewhere and walked normally. Im very cold right? But dont know what to say each time.. might as well dont say anything XD. But well, XD im not interested in guys already.. Still finding my interest..but i have yet know what is it..
Next week might be catching harry potter with jes.. Quite broke ( as in cash on hand XD )actually.. But for the sake of friends ^^ i wont mind. Heard that the movie was nice wor.. I think my bro watched it with gf le.. but 2nd bro dont know got watch anot.. but i know he watched Emily Rose T_T dont know with who.. Haiz.. Im so .. Haiz.. Why never watch with me.. T_T Nvm, I will get used to it. Alone.
- evileen
Monday, November 21, 2005
Being quiet, doesnt mean one's intimidated.
Being silent, doesnt mean one's satisfied with everything.
Being nice, doesnt mean that people can take you for granted.
Dont judge everything by its surface. Just like the 10-year-old Edmund Hooper in the "Im the King of the Castle", people thought he was nice and simple minded, like a child, but they were all wrong. He has all the characteristics of a fox. As sly as a fox could be. No one understands him. Not even his own father, who was a womanizer.
From this story, we can tell that a quiet person can be the most dangerous person ever. A quiet person can do planning without letting others know what they're thinking. It doesnt mean when you're quiet, you can be trifled with. It's 100% wrong. Everything has its limits. When it has reach a level beyond what it could withstand, anything can happen.
So, DONT EVER try to mess around with quiet people. Okie?
People who think you are good. Always put yourself in the shoes of others. Do you think what you have done is good for that person? Are you trying to make use of the person? Do you think it's great to be used? Are you a sadist?
Wanted to write this, 'cause i was damn pissed off yesterday. It's only a trivial matter, but it meant everything. I really dont like people to be hypocrites or whatever, or to find me when you have problems. Anyone reading this, please pass the msg around, DONT find me when you have problems. Thanks.
- evileen
Sunday, November 20, 2005
i dont know why..it's coming back to me again.
Wanna shut myself off from everything. And be left alone. If only there's a cave or remote area that i could be left alone. No one can find me. Sometimes i feel like switching off my handphone, so no one can sms me or call me JUST ONLY WHEN THEY HAVE PROBLEMS OR FAVOURS TO ASK OF ME.
When i sms someone and ask something urgently..i will never get the reply. When people ask me for help, i will try my best and reply INSTANTLY.
I just feel like an idiot. Why should i be so nice when most people are only taking you for granted. And when you need someone for help, no one will help you.
Anyone reading this, dont try to ask any favour from me PLEASE.
EVERYONE just STAY away from ME.
I just want to be left alone and get used to it.
THE WORLD IS FAKE. EVERYONE IS FAKE. I dont want to put on a fake smile anymore. I want to be me, myself and I.
*Searching for a world of only my own...*
- evileen
Saturday, November 19, 2005
Xmas is coming.. it's nv going to be the same anymore.. I remember..
Well..It's has been a year. Hmm.. feel like going on a shopping spree.. But no one is going to be there for me again.. Never..ever.. again.
Dont know why most of the time, i prefer to be left alone rather than to be in crowds. It has just become a habit of mine recently.. Dont be mistaken if I nv talk much.. Just that.. I dont know what's in me lately.
It's kinda.. weird. If you think in this way. Most of the times.. people who aren't close to you, pays more attention to you compared to those who are closer. For instance, when your birthday is approaching, your close friend dont give it a damn that it's your birthday, whilst the people who aren't close to you will remember it.. even for years. And also, people who you really wanna go out with so badly..NEVER have the time for you.. And people whom you dont want to go out with.. always ask you out.. But I think it's rather cruel to reject all outings eveytime X_X so Im always left with no choice. Err Im referring to my ex ex colleague. She's nice.. often treat me drinks or something.. But she's 30 years old X_X im 18 years old. You might be wondering how come she wanna go out with me. But err, I have no idea either. T_T HOW?
But sometimes i will feel kinda touched when she still REMEMBER me even i have not been working there for 2 years. Okie.. that's all. Pros and Cons for having a OLD friend.
- evileen
Thursday, November 17, 2005
Kinda feel super doper tiring for the week, though i didnt do much lately, never touch tutorials or anything.. ARGH.. wake up at 7am almost every morning.. It's so tiring..
Perhaps it's time to think on the brighter side of life..It might be a bad thing to be ignored all the time? Since I'm so used to it..it has become my habit to keep quiet most of the time and sorry if anyone finds me boring in the game or anywhere X_X.
Today had another argument with the mother. She's so so so unreasonable. I'm still planning what to do.. Hmm..I can't let this go on for the rest of my life. I don't wanna be controlled. I need freedom. I want to use the money that I earned. I want to be independent. I wanna buy things that I want. I just want to be me.
Maybe one day.. I'm going to burn everything that is not favourable to my sight. I can be crazy, do things that people will be amazed at. Especially when I'm pissed off. Hopefully, by next year, I can get everything that I want. A totally new me. Can't find my interest at the moment. Sigh..
- evileen
Monday, November 14, 2005
It seems weird when people like my tutor and ex colleague friend that i made 2 years ago, were asking for my blog and asked for my blog address.. And some praised that my blog is nicely done. Thanks anyway XD.
My mood seems to be getting stable now. Ex colleague asked me to go out yesterday, again. I dont know why.. err she likes to ask me out, when it really gives me headaches dont know what to say to her. We aren't that close anyway, so that's part of the reason. And one more thing, she's older than me by 12 years old, and that makes her 30 years old. Yup.. Went to several places with me looking "blur" as she said, but im not really that blur actually. *_* Although i may always lose my sense of direction or.. cannot find the place.. i will rely on my intuition and i will reach the place somehow even though i'd never step into the place for even once in my life.
Was approached on the way back to mrt station, by a surveyor. We were /... when she asked whether we are currenly a student or working. And then asked if we are good friends? Err..hmm..well.. dont really know how to answer her. So ex colleague actually err.. feel quite paiseh and said, "yea..our ages differ alot.. sorry we're in a hurry"
I feel so bad if time she asked me, she will either treat me a drink or something. But there's nothing i can say to her. I will look.. kinda bored.. For people who know me.. im easily bored..and seldom open my mouth when im with people who arent close to me..
Our next meeting might be on xmas.. i dont know. Wish i could drag someone along there as well.. But that will be a "dream on.." No one will be free to accompany me for anything. Everyone that i know is always so busy.. And jes i can understand you are taking on many projects.. Dont really like school days.. I feel so bored.. No one I can share my thoughts with.. So lonely..
Today went to holland v with some classmates. Well.. haha was dragged to it =x. But it helps me to kill time.. oh well.. Went to dine at nydc for baked rice, and i ordered "romeo and juliet", that's so ... cheesy, and especially for the bacon.. that's far too much already.. which makes the whole thing spoil and too salty. Then we walked for awhile and headed to swensens for ice cream.. my order was banana split.. not bad.. at least the banana is not sour like some places..
Well.. mother's at it again. Forcing me to eat when Im already full aka. challenging my gastric. I remembered.. I was bedridden.. for a month last year near chinese new year.. And was forced to eat stuff that wasnt meant to be eaten when i was having a gastric flu. Im somehow amazed i still live up to this day..alive.
Last but not least, for gamers, if you are reading my blog, by accident/interest, it will be a miss if you do not visit the following webby:
http://www.ierogaming.tk/
It's Ragnarok Online. You doesnt need to pay to get to play. The server consists of interesting/fun people around, which makes your day. You get to play special events organised by the GMs, and for those first batch players, you get specials items which will be given by the GMs during after the events. To find out more, just visit the web! XD
- evileen
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Sigh..Rather pissed off/moody for the week.
Was pissed off a minutes ago.. and then was fine.. and then now pissed off again.. And the term for it is called, "Mood Swing". Yea? You have learnt a new definition from this lesson. Welcome XD
Why was I pissed off in the early morning?
I was awake for err so long X_X but didnt have the intention of getting up from the bed, and once i stepped out of the room i got @%!^# as usual again. Scoldings err.. for sleeping late, waking up late, and wasting electricity. (-_-") I find this the most hilarious/exaggerating/ridiculous/whatever-you-can-put-it reason for scolding ><". Err.. maybe no.. stayed tuned for the later part. And it was fine again. And then, i was err curious why she brought a chair to the toilet -_-" and i found out she was err how to call it, the "container" that could be found in every toilet. Yes it was occupied with so many things, on top of it. And she was asking me a favour, to help her bring down everything, yea i did. But when she ask favours from you, she will never ever appreciate for your help. Sometimes even when you are busy or perhaps you just gets blur X_X She will %^$# again. How "appreciative" she could be.. I dont really mind the part where she isnt in the least bit, appreciative at all for the help.. But when i was washing my hands, i got $%^& again? That was like.. "Huh?" "Trying to act hygienic is it?" ><" That was ... so ridiculous. So that means, people doesnt have to wash their hands when err handling something they find it dirty huh? *_* And then i was fine again. I was in the kitchen and she was trying to smell my hair. "Are you going to say it stinks?" "No!! I love the smell of your hair" (-_-") And she smell.. lol? ***** Some of the ridiculous happenings that occured for the week: Case 2: Was paying for tidbits at the cashier counter. And was queuing with another lady behind. And i placed the things im going to buy on the counter, and i didnt notice she placed it so NEAR mine err..and my friend was telling me, "hey.. the things placed too near already, i think you gonna tell the cashier that they aint yours" And yes, people who know me, should know im rather err.. rather retarded. And i was, "huh?" and i thought for a few seconds ><" [Just like when i was conducting a survey on the phone, and i was looking for the race, chinese, and i asked, "May I know your race?" And the reply was a NO. And i was thinking for err.. quite awhile, Is there ever a race in Singapore named NO. And i asked again, "Sorry.. may I know your race?" And i couldnt believe that i still dont get it *_* and i asked for the third time, the lady was kinda laughing and said no. X_X From a.. erm..hesitating tone to a laughing tone X_X.] And before i knew it, the cashier was scanning the lady's stuff already, and i managed to tell her on time X_X. Err think she's new there.. and was looking around helplessly for help with the expression :S , I told her it's alright and let the lady go first. Aww~ *grin* Jes i know im good XD so dont ever complain the job of a cashier when you see GOOD CUSTOMERS like me around XD. Case 3: Queuing for the noodle stall for our lunch yesterday. the vendors seem clumsy. And in addition, i find it annoying when a lady behind me, err sad to say, i guess it's a lecturer? I guess she doesnt know how to hold a lady's bag at all, it kept touching my butt ><" and knocking into me. Well.. and when karen's order was ready, she took her food?? She ordered laksa.. and took karen's food..Karen sue her! lol..Ridiculous..I find it a challenge to like a lecturer from our school, except for one special someone, it's Mrs Ang Siew Ping. She's the best teacher ever! So gentle.. kind.. sweet.. understanding.. almost all the good characteristics of a person you can find on her XD.
*****
Mom was blaming me for hanging out too much..But I didnt have a choice, i miss my friends =(. or rather, friend. Okie. Wont go out so often already since jes is going to be busy taking on so many projects, but ex colleague wanna ask me out again tomorrow *_* Wanna go out with me last week X_X but i said i wasnt free..'cause intended to go out with my best friends =( but only one went.
- evileen
Wednesday, November 09, 2005
Today was actually a sian 1/2 day. Went to school.. still feeling moody.. After school.. went to get my notes.. sigh.. finally.. dont have to worry anymore.. Just like a load off my burden. Walking alone to the NP bustop which is just outside, i thought i heard something if i was not wrong? "Go away =X" Well, next time, no one will need to tell me to go away, i will make my move myself, doesnt have to sound so err.. mean. Im not in the least sad at all if my ears are working fine, but rather disappointed to know someone who is like that. Sad to say, I empathize with such people.
Went to Er Ren Shi Jie with jes..Went to have our "steamboat" XD at Suntec.. Yummy.. But the spice was killing me! I just dont understand how she can handle with the food so well...hmm..
Haha.. oh yea..
Joke for the day:
Jes: Hey Huimin, What's the time now?
Me: *Looks at the external LCD screen of the handphone* Oh.. it's $6.01
*****
See la.. im thinking of money all the time.. dont even know what im talking.
Sigh.. dont know when's the next time we can hang out again.. =( And not to forget our plan..Sigh again..If got next time.. APPLE STRUDEL WHOOHOO!!
Tmr aunt coming to my house to ask me about some basic com stuff as for her proposal as what she mentioned. =( Dont think it's even necessay for her to ask me if im free tmr.. T_T 'Cause im free everyday! XD Gonna be stucked at home for the rest of the semester..Like what jes have said, my friends are really limited. 4 friends in my life. ><" One good thing, save money.
- evileen
Tuesday, November 08, 2005
Someone complained I've been too lazy to blog. Okie i blog =x
Oh.. so.. err.. Do i have to repeat myself again? It's always been the same story.. over and over again. First they were fine with it, and then in the end, it would either be cancelled or the comment would be, "oh.. it's too expensive."
ArGh..Why has it always to be like this? Always make me happy for nothing.. Was thinking of having steamboat the next day.. And.. sigh.. tmr have to er ren shi jie with jes..=D the same old face! Whahaha!! *takes cover*
Nvm.. still got me =X dont be sad huh
- evileen
Monday, November 07, 2005
Lame joke for the day:
- evileen
Sunday, November 06, 2005
Voices from thy heart...
Clothes... Clothes...Clothes...
It can really bring a person down...
Scar...will always be a scar...
Once hurt...it will be remained for always...
It reminisces of things happened in the past...
Things that made you hurt...
Just by words...
That really saddens you the most...
When people.. that you thought...were your pals...
And yet...turned out...
To be a no...
Saddening enough... just to be alone...
Not to mention some...just couldnt be bothered about the feelings...
Let alone your pride...
People may laugh...
People may mock...
But they would never understand the pain of that once hurt wound...
For they never know how it feels like...
Who's the richest of them all..?
Do they even have the stand to say them all..?
A thousands lead a different living...
For there's the rich and the poor...
Why do the rich have to criticise the poor..?
For they dont know them at all...
*****
I wrote this for some deep reasons. Just hope that people would never judge a person by the looks, appearance, clothings, and whatsoever.
A decent person doesnt mean he/she dresses decently.
A bad person might not dress up as a baddie.
A rich person might not dress up as the best.
Hope readers will think about it, and read between the lines. Ngee Ann Poly students are quite smart i guess.
- evileen
This is what jes has found. Too true for me.
*****
Cancer: June 21 - July 22
Your most likeable trait: LOYALTY
No one has ever said Cancerians are easy to understand. You may appear gentle, kind, sympathetic, and a patient listener. Then someone asks for advice, and you turn cranky, snappish, and appear to be completely indifferent to anyone's problems but your own. You may wallow in self-pity and complain endlessly about how mistreated you are by the world. Turn another page of the calendar and suddenly you are back being helpful, solicitous, ready to do anything asked of you.
What's your secret? Cancer, which is ruled by the Moon and has water as its element, can be likened to the shifting tides of the oceans. Like the tides, Cancer is the sign of powerful forces moving under the surface. That surface, however, is quite difficult to penetrate, for Cancerians tend to build up an elaborate array of defenses to hide their deep feelings and extremely sensitive.
Complex, fragile, unpredictable, temperamental, the typical Cancerian needs a constant support and encouragement. You want desperately to be loved and approved of but resent needing approval so badly. When you get what you need, you give the best you have in return. Those who make you feel secure command your undying loyalty. When you really care for someone there is nothing anyone can say about that person that will make the least bit of difference. You have a real blind spot when it comes to seeing a failing in those you love.
You tend to be a worrier and a silent brooder. People may pour out their hearts to you, but the flow never goes in the other direction. You guard your secrets well.
If offended, you do not strike back directly. Your method of retaliation is to sulk, and it is often very effective. The technique is somewhat like being whipped to death by a dozen strands of boiled spaghetti.
Cancer's symbol, the crab, has a hard outer shell that protects soft, vulnerable flesh underneath. The same is true of Cancerians, who are often crusty, gruff and grumpy, but possess a proverbial heart of gold. Beneath your tough exterior you are a sentimental softie who will make any sacrifice for someone in need. If someone asks for a favor, your first reaction will probably be no, but the final answer is always yes. You should be judged not by what you say but by what you do.
You are possessive. Anyone who becomes part of your life will never again be entirely free. You try to stay in touch with friends, ex-lovers, former spouses, business associates, persons you knew as children. If you let anyone go out of your life, it is unwillingly and never completely. This reflects your preoccupation with the past. An aura of nostalgia dwells about you; the events and people of bygone years continue to inhabit your memory and usually grow dearer to you as time goes by. You are devoted to family and home and continue to believe in the old fashioned idea that marriage is forever—even if the events in your own life contradict this.
It is hard to deceive you, for you can spot the tiniest nuances of behavior. In fact, you are almost psychic in your intuitions. A photographic memory added to intense powers of observation makes you extremely canny about divining other people's inner motivations.
Cancerians are crab-like in their indirect approach to an intended target. Observe a crab moving on a beach and you will notice its strange sidewise movement toward a goal. People born under the sign of the Crab never take the direct approach. You step to one side, then step to the other side and sometimes go completely around. But you get where you intend to go.
If channeled in the right direction, your enormous sensitivity can be a greta source of strength. Once you overcome your shyness and touchiness and master your turbulent emotions, your intellect and imagination enable you to become a success in almost anything you undertake. Contrary to the impression you often give, you can be shrewd and canny in business. Cautious, conservative in your approach, you possess an antenna that quickly gauges public taste and opinion and senses new trends in the making. This instinct for business combined with imagination is visible in such famous fashion designers as Bill Blass, Oscar de la Renta and Pierre Cardin.
Cancer people hold on to money as tenaciously as they do to everything else that belongs to them. To you money spells security, yet no matter how much wealth you accumulate you never feel really secure. That is true of your emotional security also. A Cancerian never gets enough love and approval, you always need more. it is very easy to fall in love with this loyal, devoted, affectionate, and protective Moon-child.
- evileen
Hadnt stopped thinking for money for days already. Notes.. Textbooks..Bills..All to be on my own? It's like being half independent while people claiming that they are providing you a living.
Laptop to be bought on my own, they will tell ppl, "Hey.. this one ar.. not bad ar..I bought it."
And i dont really get allowance during the holidays. Err.. $6 for both lunch and dinner (workplace: convention centre), if anyone knows how to survive in Singapore with this sum, please add me at msn:
pohuimin@hotmail.com , not to mention eating the same food everyday ><" $6..Hadnt been enough for me. I was scolded for spending too much. It wasnt fault on my part though.. I have a mouth and a stomach, that's why i need to eat.. And also to blame the vendors why sell so exp? Not to forget the ones who collect the rental fees as well. School reopen.. sigh..Notes.. NOTES? Im trying to .. err.. act a bit ><" pathetic. "Err.. so im supposed to buy the notes.. err.. textbooks.. err.. with my card?" "Ok..permit granted." T_T omg.. i didnt wanna hear that. I wanan buy so so so so so so many things..If only there's really santa claus who exist in this world, I bet you have gotta carry a big red bag to my house for my wish list(s). Aww.. i need a santa =( How am i going to survive..Maybe i will be saving... whilst killing two birds with a stone, maybe dont eat so much as to slim down. I dont know if i should eliminate the thought of buying a car in future. X_X But jes.. you.....said you die die want sit in my car XD. Maybe i will buy a toy car, XD and we sit inside. I've found out I've changed alot for the worst lately. I dont know if this is for only temporary. It might be due to the stress/problems Im still facing everyday. If only there's a braining washing system just like what Norton Anti Virus will do..eliminate/quarantine those viruses. Be rest assured i will be back to normal 100%. Imagine ok.. 5 school days in a week. 1 day = $6 5 days = $30 4 weeks (one mth)= $120 + concession $52 =$172 *note : this month concession on my own. $52 : Used $38 on black tees for the job, and $10 for mrt fares And yes.. Mrt Fares..Been topping up for argh so much. Not to mention again, yes on my own. one day $3..topped up err.. like once in less than a week. And she's..saying, "WAH SO MUCH? HEY i give you money hor *thinking of the $52*, got hor!" ><" Oh well...."THAT'S ALOT" ++ inverted commas. **** What im emphasizing here is.. err.. not that i wanna take more money from her..Understandable that err.. ><" we arent that rich. BUT THE THING is, she's not happy whenever i buy something? And claims she's claiming she's giving me alot but i always have to chip using my own savings ><" Hard to save.. ARGH..
And for the past week im not happy with her for her illogical reasons for not giving me MY CARD. Astrocious right? Muahahaha.. there's no way im going to "return" or rather to give her. So im keeping it for good. XD I have 2 accounts.. give you one, then i keep one, fair enough? Those were my earnings anyway.
- evileen
Saturday, November 05, 2005
Haha jes, i know you also will be very happy de. =D Maybe wo cuo guai le ta..But well, in the end everything turns out well har.. =x
Went to KFC and see yy eating, then to Paya Lebah to see jes eat desert then go shopping XD.
Bought le got the man zhu gan~ haha..And was loitering in the shop for so long XD all because of my indecisiveness.
Today was tiring, but it's worth it =D. Looking forward to the next outing...
*****
Apologies:Next time treat you all eat desert ar XD.
- evileen
Friday, November 04, 2005
Im tired. Really really tired. I dont know why she's still like this? Dont blame me please, it's not what i want, it's her. I dont even know what the hell i have done and what i can do to appease her. As if it's my problem, ever at all? Or she wanna see cutting my wrist with a blade, or jumping off a building before her eyes? We are 18! I dont see any point being like that with those "trivial" matter, ><" whilst i dont even know what is the "trivial" matter is all about. Im dead beat..
Thought it was supposed to be a happy day.. And yet, im feeling so sad now. Why must it be like this everytime we plan to go out? Cant it just be a easy one? It's always the same old answers. I hate it.. I really dread it..And siu juan(ex ex colleague) ask out but i said no after asking jes if she wants her to go as well, well, a no. Understandable. I always try to make myself free even though im busy or tired or whatever.. why??
I know im a really bad person who rots to the core. But im trying my best to be good already. When will this ever end? I dont know. The problem doesnt lie with me anymore.
- evileen
Wednesday, November 02, 2005
All things bright and beautiful..All creatures great and small..
Wo Xiang Kai Le~ Maybe im just over-sensitive ba. Realised people arent totally that bad..Humans are kind in nature too.. Perhaps.. when they said those words.. they did not wonder how hurtful it was..Maybe.. they didnt mean it in the first place..Well.. forgive and forget...Wee!~
Getting fat le wor. Need to slim down X_X really soon. Or else.. next time will find it hard to buy clothes wor. Feels like enjoying myself to the full.. but school has already started.. is it too late to enjoy myself now? Wanna play abit more wor..feels so bored at home everytime i head home. Sian-ing everyday~ Dont know what is my interest now.. haiz
Phone repaired le. So i no need to use earpiece to answer call le. So troublesome.. Now just flip my phone and "HELLO???" XD can le. Sian-ing now X_X So i guess im using improper english.
Sms jama and apologized that yesterday i pang sei her.. really got a bit of headache yesterday.. 'cause totally no mood le.. Im a very impatient person, when i ask people qns i must get a reply really soon X_X. Else.. i will be pissed off..Replied like one hour++ later, that's why i have no mood de, then went to play organ.. came back and saw the reply.. haiz. X_X i wonder if she purposely/nv receive my msg. I dont think singtel's reception is that lousy right..?
Didnt know yy went out with them yesterday.. i thought it was only two of them.. X_X Now i get to see the picture already. When there's no me, she will be there. When Im there, she will nv be there. Jes, you said Ive always been a talker and not a listener, but..that's me alright.. We have known each other like err.. for 6 yrs? And now.. it couldnt be.. just because of this? And.. i have my reasons for talking *too much*. Well, as you see, I hardly tells people my personal problems. And, I can hardly find anyone who can share my problems. It's you girls. Who can be the ones.. X_X Well well..Next time i will try to speak less often then. Or even.. will there be a next time?
You said that.. she was angry 'cause she thought i was boasting in the past.. But now..Im all alone. There's nothing i can boast even at all. And why should she be angry of things from the past? I thought i was being too sensitive..or like what you have said, in the wrong way.
Im trying my best already. I dont know what i do can actually appease her. X_X What can i do?? Can someone help me out..
- evileen
Tuesday, November 01, 2005
I suspect im suffering from depression. Saw the advertisement for it yesterday, I have all the sights.. I tend to get agitated very easily.. always not happy with anything..feels sad easily..have migraine also..(headaches everyday)... the more i think.. the more excruciating pain it is..
I dont know. Was already feeling tired after walking for yesterday. Jama was asking today if wanna go out, but i said, i need to fix phone first.. arrange with the rest then sms me what time and meet where. Jes online le.. say hi to me and asked me why still at home ><" then offline le.. then i cant call her, or sms her, coz phone was not with me..house de phone mama using..msn she offline haiz. Saw peiyi online with the nick, "playing 02jam", but i ask her why nv go out, no reply de.. feels so ARGH. So i put "busy" le. PIF..No reason to be angry, but im angry, dont know why. I dont want to go out le, Mama ask me go and pray i also dont want le, i have no mood le.. Haiz haiz haiz.
- evileen
Yesterday went gai gai with jes wor..X_X But also havent get my stuff.. This time whatever i buy, must get the best wor =x. Dont wanna keep changing, so find one durable de. So dont blame me har.. X_X I said shopping only ma.
Went back to popular..Christine still there wor. Also saw huimin aka. jennifer. Im huimin aka. eileen. Haha.. incase people who knows too many huiminssss.. just call me eileen X_X I've been using this name since i was a baby more than the name "huimin".
I wanna play a prank on the aunties leh.. only saw sai ju..But can see her smile im also very glad ^^. Haha.. forgot my name.. 'cause she always call me "Ah gal". Haha.. So cute de auntie.. aww~ Not a good job.. but really nice aunties there.. so nice ^^. Siu Juan off wor..but at night also got sms me X_X but i always forgot to check hp de, always reply late..Got this bad habit.. after something happened. Tian Zhi Di Zhi, Ni Zhi Wo Zhi. X_X Habit in the past was staring at the phone waiting for msg. Now.. feel that no one will msg me.. so i just "abandon" my phone in the drawer le. Aww~ Theme for my phone will be, "Lonely..Im Mr Lonely..~" Craps.. whahaha
So went up to her and asked, "Erm, excuse me.. where do i find pencils?" Haha.. she looked up at smiled le, aww~ so nice.. still remember me ar everyone *grin*. Jes.. you wore so nice..wore so chio~ whaha.. why scare here and there de..*grin* still need me to help you say hi muahahha. kidding. Too bad hor.. your sian hui auntie.. I thought she will still be there.. well.. Since you said you have her contact, then you can call her if you want ba =X.
Eh.. not fun de, went to CD Rama, then christine so.. err...said so loud, "Sorry ar, Im busy, no time to entertain you all. " ><" Just wanna say goodbye de leh ahah..but nv say le wor.. X_X Actually help my kor last time jio zheng qi de, he wanna treat her drinks at coffee bean..then zhengqi dont want.. but christine want.. X_X get what i mean?? Then he was err.. "Haiyo.. your fren christine la.. spoilt my chance."
Lol..help him to jio her, is just for fun. 'Cause i dont want him to be together with her X_X. She's not really the type of girl i would want if im a guy. X_X
Jama.. fasting havent end ba? Still ask us to go out wor.. Miss us huh.. hees..Zheng you xin..Still think of us..Said she had finished one paper yesterday for A lv wor..Hmm see how ba.. X_X im so bored now.. waiting for my phone's "surgery" to be done. Next time i wont abandon you le ba.. phone.. dont treat me like that T_T. Please recover fully after the operation.
- evileen