Friday, June 24, 2005
omg! Have you ever tried walking the same places and routes for 3 times, over and over again? I did! ><" But it wasnt deliberate though.. Getting more and more forgetful these days.. Things that show how blur i was today: 1.Forgot to bring more money to buy my stuff arh! Then after paying for my stuff, i realised i havent buy dinner, breakfast, and the yummy yummy otah!! So went back home and take cash for two times oh. 2.At the cashier, i wasnt aware of what i was doing.. swt.. Always "kong kong", took too much money out to pay.. and see money will feel dizzy and ended up dunno how to count money! Perhaps im in ACCOUNTANCY bah.. Zzz.. 3.Walk past the same people and places..I wondered if the people will have thought of this: "How come this person keep appearing before me arh? I thought the same person? Some more a few minutes ago only.. Twins???" 4.Forgot which way to walk to buy my stuff ><"
Super blur la!!
I dont know why I feel so "lonely"recently. Not over boy girls relationship definitely, but rather i seem to be short of friends, or is it i have no life? People seem to have many activities on.. but what about me? Im always alone.. in my house.. No one to talk to online. Not even a listening ear for my woes and joys..Talked to a close friend that i once considered in the past..now ignores me, but i dunno why? the rest..well, one of them with a bf, i dont blame her though for spending most of her time with him, but the other?Merely asked her to go out for a day seems so difficult.. well, forget it.. Maybe im not that needed anymore.. A few days ago, I thought my friend wasnt in a good mood, and wanted to know why. I said, "oink oink" in msn, and she gave me a -.-
And then, she appeared offline. She blocked me?I saw her nick.. Is the whore in the nick referring to me..? Then who is the guy for the "cunt licker"? But i really wanna know why.. What has your game husband got to do with me? Morever, it's just a game.. Or rather, we should nv play ro at all for i guess we will nv feel sad at all this way. Well, when people dont talk to me, I wont force them to. It will be for years, like what i've done to my brother? But i realised it's harder to patch up.. but we've already started talking a few yrs back. I hope the third one will not be you.
What am I? Will I be leading this kind of life forever? How come no one bothers about me? Was it me..? that im really hopeless? or was I really a bad person to have no close friends at all..? Very often, I blame the world for almost everything. Why do I exist? What is my mission? Where am I heading? Am I an Xtra person on the earth? Or was it.. i deserved to have no close friends at all?
Common tests seem to be around the corner.. but i m lacking in motivation. My mood is damn damn down. Im always slacking. But I have come to my senses that games arent as interesting. Dont mallign me for playing too much games again.. The more likely thingy i will do often would be staring at the screen.. looking at ppl's msn nick. When you see me laughing really hard, it'll be because im trying my best to brighten up, and i'd barely laugh so much as before in my life now.
I hope things will not keep changing for the worst like that. The world seems to be changing too fast for me.
- evileen