Thursday, June 09, 2005
No idea why I feel so down right now... Trying to hold back the tears. I feel that this is a world I shouldnt be in. A place not for me to wander. No freedom. No rights. No dreams. Nothing.
I just cant understand why people just couldnt spend a bit of effort just to get a cup of drink or place their own belongings on the table or whatever. I am treated just the way a maid is treated.
Wrote "I H a t e M y L i f e" then so many counsellors appeared. Nice one.. But the more I talk to them, the more i will self-pity myself.
I just want to change. Try to do my homework or whatever. But they are not giving me a chance to. I remember the week for last semester, I wasnt in a conducive learning environment to prepare for my exams. I heard quarrels, screams, vulgarities, and whatever that you can hear.
I'm surprised when people tell me stuff like, "i'm surprised, you're living up to this day, admire your perseverance ", "people living in such a situation as you will normally turn out to be different from you", etc.
Couldnt go anywhere at night. That's far too ridiculous. I'm no Cinderella or whatever, have to reach home by 12am , and hey, Cinderella is far better than me! Up to 12am! =.="
I just cant believe my life is going to carry on like that. Not really bothered that I cant attend gatherings, but rather the fact that I cant have my decision and freedom!
Well, I'm no child any longer. Some might think that I'm living in a world of my own. But that's not my choice.. And I want to rule my own world.
Just like what a particular actor mentioned in the drama, " If you never let go of your child, always afraid that he will fall, then never give him an opportunity to try, how would you know he might fall? And it would be forever, you want that child to be with you forever. Never letting go of him, and things will never change for the better."
- evileen