Sunday, June 26, 2005
I know one of my friends whom i have considered as the "best friend", has blocked me. How do I know? Someone told me you're online, in my contact list you are not. If the nick you're referring to me. I just wanna tell you, you sucks big time. Well, there's simply nothing i can do about it? Dont know the reason why, and i dont want to waste my time to find out why. I will treat people the way they treat me. =) You're not my best friend anymore. Not even a friend. NOW. All I would like to say some Ro husbands sux and I realised that Im cant even hold a candle to that stupid fat ass you mentioned? Amen~ Goodbye my once best friend.
- evileen
Friday, June 24, 2005
omg! Have you ever tried walking the same places and routes for 3 times, over and over again? I did! ><" But it wasnt deliberate though.. Getting more and more forgetful these days.. Things that show how blur i was today: 1.Forgot to bring more money to buy my stuff arh! Then after paying for my stuff, i realised i havent buy dinner, breakfast, and the yummy yummy otah!! So went back home and take cash for two times oh. 2.At the cashier, i wasnt aware of what i was doing.. swt.. Always "kong kong", took too much money out to pay.. and see money will feel dizzy and ended up dunno how to count money! Perhaps im in ACCOUNTANCY bah.. Zzz.. 3.Walk past the same people and places..I wondered if the people will have thought of this: "How come this person keep appearing before me arh? I thought the same person? Some more a few minutes ago only.. Twins???" 4.Forgot which way to walk to buy my stuff ><"
Super blur la!!
I dont know why I feel so "lonely"recently. Not over boy girls relationship definitely, but rather i seem to be short of friends, or is it i have no life? People seem to have many activities on.. but what about me? Im always alone.. in my house.. No one to talk to online. Not even a listening ear for my woes and joys..Talked to a close friend that i once considered in the past..now ignores me, but i dunno why? the rest..well, one of them with a bf, i dont blame her though for spending most of her time with him, but the other?Merely asked her to go out for a day seems so difficult.. well, forget it.. Maybe im not that needed anymore.. A few days ago, I thought my friend wasnt in a good mood, and wanted to know why. I said, "oink oink" in msn, and she gave me a -.-
And then, she appeared offline. She blocked me?I saw her nick.. Is the whore in the nick referring to me..? Then who is the guy for the "cunt licker"? But i really wanna know why.. What has your game husband got to do with me? Morever, it's just a game.. Or rather, we should nv play ro at all for i guess we will nv feel sad at all this way. Well, when people dont talk to me, I wont force them to. It will be for years, like what i've done to my brother? But i realised it's harder to patch up.. but we've already started talking a few yrs back. I hope the third one will not be you.
What am I? Will I be leading this kind of life forever? How come no one bothers about me? Was it me..? that im really hopeless? or was I really a bad person to have no close friends at all..? Very often, I blame the world for almost everything. Why do I exist? What is my mission? Where am I heading? Am I an Xtra person on the earth? Or was it.. i deserved to have no close friends at all?
Common tests seem to be around the corner.. but i m lacking in motivation. My mood is damn damn down. Im always slacking. But I have come to my senses that games arent as interesting. Dont mallign me for playing too much games again.. The more likely thingy i will do often would be staring at the screen.. looking at ppl's msn nick. When you see me laughing really hard, it'll be because im trying my best to brighten up, and i'd barely laugh so much as before in my life now.
I hope things will not keep changing for the worst like that. The world seems to be changing too fast for me.
- evileen
Wednesday, June 22, 2005
Wah.. yesterday aunt came to my house, say i FAT le!!!! omg!! first time ppl say im fat..=(
Must watch out for my meals le.. but haiz.. yesterday ate durians.. today also! So many.. My mom call me durian tree.. because my house downstairs got mangoes always drop down.. but i told my mom i dont want..if durian, i will sure go!~ So mama call me durian tree.. Wah.. so full now.. wonder if the durians will be digested by the time i sleep? Mama says.." Eat so much ar ger.. then tmr need to prepare your medical fees hor." "WAH!" * feel like vommitting now..so full..eat durians as if im eating rice..*
- evileen
Tuesday, June 21, 2005
I saw Xx online everyday.. I knew it was Xx's bdae that day.. Wanted to wish a "happie bdae.." But well, I think better not.. Maybe it will be better for Xx that way.. not to recall a single thing. But why was Xx online the whole day???Nv go out and celebrate..?? I wonder.. Dont understand the words in Xx's msn personal msg(s) *in msn 7.0* though..in jap.. who will understand? and i havent learn jap.. Hope Xx will forget everything by now, and be happy for always. =) Wishing you a happie belated bdae..
- evileen
"Look out!"Joan turned but it was too late. The water bomb had splashed right into her face. She winced. That was cold, she thought. She reached out to wipe the water from her face. She and her friends were at Cindy's birthday party. The games had been fun, but tiring as well. She was glad when it was time to head for the refresments."Hey Joan!" Cindy called out.Joan turned and saw Cindy dragging a 16 year old teenager behind her."Let me introduce my brother to you.He's Jason." she said.Joan turned to look at the stranger for the first time. She gasped. Wasn't this the guy who had teased her everyday when he met her? She was stunned. "You..," was all she could manage to say.But Jason grinned at her," So this is your friend. I think we met before, haven't we, Joan?"Joan just stared at Cindy and her brother, nodding her head slowly."Oh, if that's the case, i shall leave you two to talk among yourselves," Cindy replied, walking away to entertain the rest of the guests."So..hi.," Jason said and smiled, showing his perfect set of white teeth."Oh, hello," Joan replied.She took her time to look at Jason. He had a set of deep blue coloured eyes, which reminded her of the ocean. He was tall and had blonde hair. Everything about him matched completely. He seemed..perfect. Too perfect. She would have believed in love at first sight if she didn't have a boyfriend. Too bad she did. And she wasn't going to show Jason that she was interested in him in any way."Got to go," Joan turned and left the party.
*****The sunlight shone into her room. Joan woke up. School was starting again, and the summer holidays were over. No more daydreaming, she thought. Walking into the hall, she picked up the phone and dialed her boyfriend, Andy's number."Hello?""Hey, Andy?" Joan said."Um..Joan? What's up?""Can you pick me up in fifteen minutes time?""Huh?""I thought u said that you wanted to go to school with me today..?""Oh. Yeah. I sort of um, forgot. Something cropped up. Sorry honey."Without another word, Andy hung up.Well, that was weird, Joan thought. But she ignored that feeling as she believed Andy when he said that something had cropped up. She went to bathe, then she went to school by herself.On reaching the school gate, she spotted a car that seemed familar to her. The car went into the school and parked itself in an empty spot. Andy got out of the car. Joan smiled and was about to call him when he went over to the passenger's seat and opened the door. A girl dressed in a sweater and a mini skirt stepped out. Joan gasped as the scene continued in front of her. Andy took the girl by her hand and they kissed each other. Joan could not believe what was going on. Is this a dream, or is this for real? She thought as she pinched herself. Ouch, that hurt, she thought. Knowing that she would have to confront Andy sooner or later, she walked up to the couple. Andy saw her and was shocked."I demand an explaination." Joan looked at him sternly."I--""So now you have seen it, and you should know what it means. He wants to break up with you. Get it?" The girl beside Andy interruped.Joan was speechless. But knowing that she could not do anything about it, she just glared at Andy and ran away.She ran, not knowing where she was heading to. She just kept running in the hallway. People stared at her. She knew why. Tears were streaming down her crimson cheeks. Her eyes were red and she looked unsightly. She saw a girls' toilet and went inside. Luckily for her, it was empty and she would not have to face any more stares for now. She washed her face and looked into the mirror."Joan, you're such a fool. You could have known that Andy is such a freak and he was cheating on you all the time. How could you have fallen into this dumb trap without knowing it?" She said to her reflection.But the reflection just stared back at her. It gave no reply, and no expressions to show that it was angry. The tears came back.
*****Joan stepped out of the toilet, feeling refreshed. She turned a corner and nearly banged into Jason."Whoa! Watch where you're going, will ya--" Jason stopped in mid sentence when he noticed that it was Joan. "Oh, hey, what's up?" Jason looked at Joan's gloomy face."Something happened?" He asked.But Joan just turned and walked to her class.
*****It was the last period.Jason couldn't concentrate in class. What was wrong with Joan? Why did she have to avoid him everytime? Maybe she already knew that he had fallen for her. But it was impossible. So far, Jason had not given out any hints to show that. Well, who knows? He thought. Humans are weird. He took out his notebook."Dear diary,I am feeling troubled. I met her again today at the hallway. She looks kind of..sad. I wished I could help her in any way. But she seems to be avoiding me every time. I wished that i could hug her and tell her that everything is gonna be okay. But i can't do that. She doesn't feel the same way towards me like what i feel towards her. It's one-sided love. I want to be with her. Will that dream ever come true one day?"He closed the notebook. School was over. He picked up his bag and drove home.
*****Jason rushed to his room and turned on his computer. Everyday after school, he would never fail to see his pen-pal, "Candy Dreams" online. He had never met her before, but she had been a good friend to him all these while.[Dotty] says: Hi![Candy Dreams] says: Hi! I've been waiting for you to come online.[Dotty] says: Haha..first time hearing you say that.[Candy Dreams] says: Anyway..i and my boyfriend broke up..[Dotty] says: Huh? What happened? Are you feeling okay?[Candy Dreams] says: I wished i hadn't been so childish to have liked him in the first place..[Dotty] says: Don't be silly. You didn't know this would happen anyway.[Candy Dreams] says: But i feel so stupid..I can't seem to forget him.[Dotty] says: You just have to remember..time heals all wounds..[Candy Dreams] says: Thanks..i really appreciate that.[Candy Dreams] says: Anyway, enough about me. So what's going on between you and your dream girl?[Dotty] says: Well..i met her again today.[Candy Dreams] says: And?[Dotty] says: Same old thing. She avoided me. But i couldn't help noticing how sad she looked.[Candy Dreams] says: Maybe she doesn't know how you feel about her..i think you should tell her.[Dotty] says: No, I dun plan to tell her. I rather things remain this way..[Dotty] says: I feel that..Just as long as she is happy, I will feel the same way.To me, love is about happiness.I just want to be a friend to her..[Candy Dreams] says: Whoa, I'd feel lucky if i were her..She has no idea how great you are..[Candy Dreams] says: I wished my boyfriend was like that..[Dotty] says: True love will come to you one day too. Dun worry..[Candy Dreams] says: Hope so. Anyway, gtg. Cya![Dotty] says: Cya![Candy Dreams has logged off]
*****Joan felt better. Maybe time really would heal all wounds. She reached into her drawer and took out her diary."Dear Diary,I feel alot better after talking to my friend. Sometimes i feel that he's like a soul mate to me. Well anyway, maybe things will get alot better. It isn't time for me to brood about this stuff anymore. I have to forget about Andy. Actually, you know what? I have a little feeling for Jason too. But i'm not gonna go into another relationship so soon..And i can't gurantee than Jason feels the same way. Who knows what will happen in the future?"
*****Jason stepped into the school, feeling fresh after a morning bath. He walked up to his classroom, meeting Joan on the way. To his suprise, she smiled at him, showing a perfect pair of dimples. Jason grinned and fluffed her hair as they walked past each other. He continued on his way, smiling to himself all the time. He felt warm. She had actually smiled at him! It was such a great feeling to know that he had actually existed in Joan's life.During break time, Jason saw Joan and decided to strike up a conversation to see whether she would respond."Um..so..hi," Jason stammered."Hey!" Joan greeted cheerfully, laughing as she did so.Jason felt suprised and warm at her friendly greeting. She looks so cute when she laughs, he thought."Care to eat with me?" Jason asked hopefully"Sure!" was Joan's joyful response.
*****After eating his dinner, Jason went to his room and took out his notebook."Dear Diary,I had a great lunch today. Perhaps that was because of her presence. She smiled at me for the first time today.. I felt warm. It makes me more unwilling to confess my true feelings to her as i am afraid that she would avoid me. I rather she treat me this way, just like a close friend whom she can share her thoughts to. I don't want to do something that I will regret later. Maybe it would be best if the situation remains like this.." Jason closed his notebook silently. The day after would be international friendship day. He decided to buy a present for Joan.
*****"Hi!" Joan called out.Jason turned around."Hey girl," He grinned.Joan smiled. He had no idea how his heart-stopping grin seem to be of a comfort to her."So, what's going on?" Joan asked."Haha, same old thing. I can't figure out a thing the algebra teacher is talking about.""Did u always have a problem with algebra? You could have told me earlier!""Don't tell me i'm talking to an algebra expert?" Jason asked."Haha.. Well, i wouldn't call myself that. But i get As for my algebra. It's my favourite subject.""Hey! That's cool! Would you be willing to teach me?""Sure! In fact, I'm free after school today. You?""Me too. Meet you in the library after school?""Okay. See ya later then," Joan replied.They then parted, walking different directions towards their classrooms.Suddenly, Jason turned around."Hey," He called out."Yeah?" Joan turned."Thanks..for being such a friend. I really appreciate that,""Hey, you're a great friend yourself too," Joan smiled.They continued on their own way. Maybe there is hope for both of us..? No, I shouldn't be thinking like this. But..i actually have the feeling that i miss him.. Joan thought. Clutching her books tightly towards her chest, she walked into the classroom, put her things down and took out her diary."Dear Diary,What is going on? What is wrong with me..? Why is it that I long to be with him but yet i am trying my best not to like him..? Is this love? I wished he was here right now, beside me. I want to be with him so badly, but he seems to treat me only as a close friend. That's all. A close friend. I want to be someone more than a close friend to him. But maybe that is not so possible afterall.."
*****"Dear Diary,Is that all i reallie mean to her? A 'great friend' ? I want to be more than a great friend to her. But it seems that she only treats me as a friend. I don't know how to tell her how much i want to be with her. Maybe waiting would be my only option.. Is this love?" Jason rested his head on his hands and re-read the entry he had just written into his notebook. He sighed. Maybe love isn't so great afterall..
*****Joan waved at Jason to signal him to come over to the table she was sitting at. Jason jogged over and pulled out a chair to make himself comfortable."Had a great lunch?" Joan asked."Yeah..""Okay.. I guess we can start on our work then," Joan said.Throughout the whole afternoon, Joan spent her time explaining to Jason and teaching him all the problems which he didn't know how to solve. She was disappointed when it was time to go home. But she refused to show her true feelings to Jason and put on a brave front instead."So..if you have any other questions..feel free to find me," She smiled."Thanks," Jason answered.They left the library, each going their own seperate way.
*****Joan rushed to her room, dumped her bag aside, and turned on her computer. Dotty was online! She couldn't wait to tell him what had happened recently.[Candy Dreams] says: Hey!![Dotty] says: Hi![Candy Dreams] says: Sorry I'm late..[Dotty] says: Haha, no problem, I just signed in not long ago too.[Candy Dreams] says: Okay..[Dotty] says: So what's up?[Candy Dreams] says: I seem to have fallen for someone else...[Dotty] says: That's great. Maybe that person would treat your better than how your ex did..[Candy Dreams] says: I don't even know whether he feels the same way..[Dotty] says: Hey, remember the advice you gave me? Why don't you tell the guy?[Candy Dreams] says: Me? No way. I wouldn't want to break a friendship.[Dotty] says: But did you give him any hints?[Candy Dreams] says: Nah.. I think he only treats me as a close friend..[Dotty] says: Don't be so sad..[Candy Dreams] says: I'm alright. Thanks.. I gtg anyway. I'm tired. Off to sleep!=)[Dotty] says: Haha..maybe you should be called Candy Pig huh?[Candy Dreams] says: Hey! Too tired to argue with you anymore. Good night![Candy Dreams has logged off]Joan smiled to herself. Sometimes, Dotty had such humour that she was unable to resist. He would always make her smile even after a tired day. Time to sleep, she thought.
*****Jason clutched the present tightly in his hand. It was International friendship day and he had gotten a present for Joan. He made his way to her classroom."Joan?"She turned. Jason was standing at the doorway of her classroom."Hey. Nice to see ya," she responded."So um..here's a present for you. Friends forever.."Joan was suprised. She had gotten a present for Jason too."Wait here," she told him.Awhile later, Joan returned, holding a box tied with a silver ribbon."Here," she said.They exchanged their presents with each other."Thanks for being such a good friend to me. Friends forever..," Joan smiled at Jason.Once again, Jason was struck by her smile. He jus stared at her with a kind of sadness in his eyes. This girl can never be mine, he thought. He grinned at Joan and waved goodbye to her before going back to his classroom.
*****Joan returned to her seat. She stared at the lavender box in her hand. What could be in it? she thought. opening the box, she saw a silver bracelet lying among the soft cotton. She picked it up. It's beautiful, she thought. She gazed at it for awhile before putting it back into the box. Taking out her diary, she wrote:"Dear Diary,He gave me a bracelet. And it's..reallie beautiful..I hope he likes the present i gave him too.. But i don't understand. Does he just treat me as a friend? I want to be more than a friend to him. But it's so hard to tell him. I just seem to lose my words when looking at him. He's my angel. My love. But he'll never get to know that..I'll never find the courage to tell him.." The teacher came in. Joan closed her book quickly and put in in her bag. Who is this cute guy beside the teacher? She thought. Awhile later, the guy was introduced as Dave. He had just transferred from another school and Joan was assigned to help him around the school. Thus, Dave was to sit beside her. The other girls stared at Joan with envy. But Joan..her thoughts were all filled of Jason..
*****"Dear Diary,She gave me a wallet. That was sweet of her. I love the present she gave me..i hope she likes the one i gave her too..I don't understand. Does she treat me only as a friend? She means much more to me than that. But she doesn't know. And she never will..cos i won't have the courage to tell her.."
*****Just as Joan was walking down the hallway, a voice stopped her."Um..hi."She turned her head. Wasn't that Dave?"Hey. You got problems with your work?""Er..actually yea.sort of.Are u able to go thru some notes with me tomorrow?""Tomorrow..yea i think i'll be free.""Okay..we'll study at my house? My parents will be home, so don't worry.""Haha.I'm not gonna worry with an honest guy like you. Cya tomorrow then!"Joan walked off.Dave stared at her. She's wonderful, he thought. And i'm in love with her.
*****Joan threw her bag onto the bed and turned on the computer immediately.A new contact had added her."Who's this guy..?" She said to herself.dave_jones@hotmail.comSounds familar, she thought.[Dave] says: Hey..are u Joan?[Candy Dreams] says: Yea..u are Dave?[Dave] says: Haha. The one and only.[Candy Dreams] says: Okae. So how did u get my add?[Dave] says: Well. thru a senior..[Candy Dreams] says: Haha, well okae. these things happen all the time anyway.[Dave] says: So are u still on for tomorrow?[Candy Dreams] says: Yea sure. I'm supposed to help u anyway.[Dave] says: Ok. Hey look, i gtg. Cya tomorrow then.[Candy Dreams] says: Yep..cya.good nite.[Dave has logged off][Dotty has logged on][Candy Dreams] says: Hiyahh~[Dotty] says: Heyyz.[Candy Dreams] says: Haha. I had a great day and i'm soo happie!![Dotty] says: Hmm..looks like something happened huh.[Candy Dreams] says: He gave me a present!![Dotty] says: Sounds familar..haha..anyway, what is it?[Candy Dreams] says: Secret..[Dotty] says: Oh well.Haha.Hmm..Candy?[Candy Dreams] says: Yeah?[Dotty] says: Do you want to meet up?[Candy Dreams] says: Um..well..i'm nort sure..u want?[Dotty] says: I'm not sure too..but i reallie want to meet up with u.[Candy Dreams] says: Me too. Well in that case..how about next wednesday?[Dotty] says: No problem. Meet at?[Candy Dreams] says: Hmm..you know that place Dolphino?8pm?[Dotty] says: Yeah sure. I gtg. See you soon..[Candy Dreams] says: Haha.I'm looking forward to meeting u too. See ya..[Dotty has logged off]
*****Joan stood at the steps of Dave's house, clutching her books. She pressed the bell. Dave opened the door."Hey," Joan said."Well, come in."Dave led Joan to the living room, where his parents were at."Hi auntie and uncle," Joan greeted them politely.They smiled at her and nodded."So where are we supposed to study?" Joan asked Dave."At the dining room. Come on."They walked to the dining room and sat down. Then, Joan taught Dave all the subjects which he had problems in. The time passed quickly and it was time for Joan to leave."Bye. See you in school tomorrow," Joan said and left his house.Dave, you're so stupid, you could have asked her to stay awhile more, he thought. Oh well.
*****[Candy Dreams has logged on][Dave] says: Hi![Candy Dreams] says: Hey.[Dave] says: Um..i got something to tell you.[Candy Dreams] says: Haha, what is it?[Dave] says: Well um..[Candy Dreams] says: Yeah?[Dave] says: I..i like you.[Candy Dreams] says: Huh?[Dave] says: I know you probably don't feel the same way..But i reallie like u alot and i'm gonna try to win your heart..i hope you won't stop me..cya.[Candy Dreams] says: Well..[Dave has logged off]What's going on? Joan thought. Is he kidding or what? I just knew him a few days ago and he likes me? Is that a joke? Well. Guys.
*****Jason went to his room to do his homework. When he sat down at his chair, he suddenly remembered that he left his pen with his sister. He went to her room to take it.Seeing that his pen was on her table, he decided that he didn't need her permission to take something that was his. He was just about to leave when a piece of paper on the desk caught his attention. He picked it up.candy_dreams@hotmail.comIsn't that..No it couldn't be.But..how did my sis know candy dreams? He thought.Wanting to solve this unanswered question, he took the piece of paper and went to the living room to ask his sister."Cindy!" Jason called."What's up bro," Cindy replied."Who is this person? How did u get her email add?""Don't be silly. Isn't that Joan? You know her. She was at my birthday party, remember?" Cindy casually replied."Huh? That Joan? Oh..thanks." Jason returned the paper to his sister.He went back to his room and turned on his computer.No wonder everything that happened to her seemed so familiar to me..but..should i let her know who I am? I don't want to. I want to take hold of this chance to get to know her better..But..we're supposed to meet next week..what should i do..? Jason was lost in his thoughts.[Candy Dreams has logged on][Dotty] says: Hey..[Candy Dreams] says: Hiyahhz[Dotty] says: Um..i don't think i'll be able to meet u next week..I'm going out..[Candy Dreams] says: Oh..in that case..it's alright..[Dotty] says: I'm sorry..[Candy Dreams] says: It's reallie okay. We can always find some other time to meet up rite?[Dotty] says: Um well..i'll be kind of busy for the next few months..[Candy Dreams] says: Okay then..we'll talk about it again when you're free..[Dotty] says: Okay..[Candy Dreams] says: Yeah..[Dotty] says: Why aren't u talking..?[Candy Dreams] says: I'm just kind of disappointed..but it's okay reallie.[Dotty] says: Oh..[Dotty] says: Well, never mind. I think i will be able to meet u afterall.[Candy Dreams] says: Huh?[Dotty] says: Um..i jus remembered that it's thursday i'm going out on. Shesh.i can get pretty forgetful sometimes u know..[Candy Dreams] says: Really?That's great!=).Hey, i gotta go. Cya! Night.[Candy Dreams has logged off]"Dear Diary,I feel like such a liar.But i still had to meet her in the end. I can't bear to see her upset. It reallie hurts. It makes me sad to see her disappointed like just now.. Anyway it's just a meeting with her right? Why am i being such a coward? But..i don't want her to know. I reallie want to get to know her well.."
*****Dave entered the classroom with a box of chocolates in his hands. He smiled at Joan and passed her the box."Huh? Is that for me?" Joan asked."Yep.Hope u'll accept it.""But..i can't..""Please..just give me a chance to prove that i can love u like anyone else does..," Dave said sincerely, looking at Joan."Oh well..Okay.."Joan felt touched. Was this how it felt like to be loved by someone else? She smiled gratefully at him."Dear Diary,It's been a few days since i last saw Jason. I wonder what he's doing right now..? Dave is being pretty sweet to me. He's a nice guy. Well, i'm not considering anything though. Am i? Nah..don't think so. I'm meeting Dotty tomorrow. I'm so excited. I've known him for a year and tomorrow will be the first time i'm meeting him. Hope everything goes well.." "Joan?"Joan quickly shut her book."Yea?" She said to Dave."Are you free tonight? Do you want to go watch a movie?""Um well..alright." Joan decided that there couldn't be much harm done in watching a movie with Dave."I'll pick u up at 7pm then?""Yep."
*****A car arrived outside Joan's house at 7pm sharp. The doorbell rang and Joan ran to open the door. "Hey, you're punctual!" She commented. Dave led Joan to the car. They soon reached the cinema. But everything passed quickly and they had watched finish the touching romance movie. Dave sent her home. "Dear Diary,Is it possible that I like Dave? He makes me feel wanted. Makes me feel loved. I don't feel like waiting for Jason anymore when there's someone like Dave who is willing to spent his time loving me. But.I don't know.How am i supposed to feel now? I'm confused ever since Dave came into my life.. Sometimes i feel that i like him. But sometimes i miss Jason.Alot.I don't know.." Joan sighed.It's so hard to tell my own feelings, she thought.[Dave has logged on][Dave] says: Hi[Candy Dreams] says: Hiya[Dave] says: Um.[Candy Dreams] says: ?[Dave] says: Can you be my girlfriend?[Candy Dreams] says: Um..[Dave] says: I know u need time to decide.I'll give u time.But please give me a chance..[Candy Dreams] says: Okay..how bout trying out? I know it's not reallie the same but i'm sort of confused right now..maybe trying out will help solve this.[Dave] says: If that's what u want..alright..but i'm happy as long as you're willing to do that.[Candy Dreams] says: Kae.i gtg.. Cya tml.[Candy Dreams has logged off]What have i done? She thought. Do i reallie like him? Oh well. I've already done it. Nothing can change. Anyway i sort of like him..right? Yea.
*****The day passed quickly. Finally it was an hour before meeting Dotty. Joan was feeling pretty excited. She decided to go early just to be on the safe side. She had told Dotty her handphone number and told him to call her when he reached. Soon, Joan reached Dolphino.
*****Jason was driving to Dolphino.He had tried to dial Joan's number to tell him that he might be late but she seemed to have turned off her handphone. He fixed his attention on his handphone instead of the road and dialled her number again. Then, he heard a scream. He looked up from his handphone to see a child standing in the middle of the road. He swerved to avoid hitting him and hit onto a tree. Everything blackened out. He couldn't feel anything..
*****Joan had been waiting for half an hour now. She was getting impatient but still, she had to wait for Dotty's call. She took out her handphone to see if there were any missed calls. Huh? She thought. She had turned off her handphone without realising it. No wonder there were no calls for her. It's all my fault, she thought. I hope Dotty calls again.
*****Jason awoke to find himself in a hospital bed. A sharp pain in his leg caused him to wince."Quick, find someone with the same blood type as this guy!!" a voice said."Wait!" Jason heard himself saying.The doctor and the nurses stopped in their tracks to look at Jason."I know I'm dying soon..don't stop me..I just need a pen and paper..please.." Both items were passed to him a minute later. Using all the strength he had left, he wrote a letter to Joan. After he had finished writing, he gave Joan's number to the nurse and told her to call Joan to the hospital to collect the letter. Jason felt tired. He decided to go to sleep. Maybe that would stop all the pain. Without realising it, he felt himself drifting apart from the world..
*****An hour later, Joan was still standing outside Dolphino. Suddenly, her phone rang."Hello?" Joan said."Is this Joan? I am calling from the hospital. A guy who identifies himself as Jason has asked u to come to the hospital to collect a letter." The voice replied."I'll be right over."
*****Joan walked to the reception counter."Hi..I'm Joan. There's supposed to be a letter for me..?"The nurse on duty looked up."Oh yah. Here you go." She passed a piece of paper to Joan.Joan took it and walked down the corridor, reading the letter..:"Hey..candy pig..well..are u suprised that i know this nickname that was given to u by Dotty? I do not want to hide it anymore..i am dotty..i just knew that u were candy dreams a few days ago too. that was why i was so afraid of letting u see who i am..by the time u received this letter..i probably won't be in this world anymore..i'll be somewhere else..far far away..away from all this pain.it hurts too much to continue living. i have loved u the moment i saw u, Joan. But you onli treated me as a good friend..it hurts. Everytime u say "thanks for being such a good friend", it's like a stab to my heart. I want u to treat me more than a friend. but it's so hard to say so..i have never confessed my feelings to you..for fear of being rejected.now that i'm leaving this world..perhaps it won't be so hard to tell u anymore..anyway...i heard that you and Dave are going steady. Is that true? If it is..congratulations to u.. maybe you would be happier and more fortunate. Dave would surely treat u better than your ex.I'm happy for u. I told myself..as long as u find your happiness..i will give you my blessings..cos i learnt that loving someone is not about holding on..it's about making her happy. I'm glad that i spent my lifetime knowing you. I have never regretted knowing you because you gave me happiness..a kind of happiness that no one else is able to provide me with..i know u don't feel the same way..but it's okay..i just want u to be happy..I'll be ending my letter than..bye..my leaf..From: Jason a.k.a Dotty...=).."A tear dropped on the paper.
*****Joan rushed to the reception again."Which room is Jason in?" She asked."Room 169. But be quick. The doctors are going to carry his body away soon."Joan ran all the way to Room 169, still clutching the letter. She peered into the glass window that seperated both her and Jason. There he was, lying in the bed. He's not here anymore..she thought.Wait,i don't understand. Why did he call me his leaf in the letter? Joan thought.Glancing down on the paper, She saw the small words that was written at the corner of the paper."Leaf's departure is because of Wind's pursuit? Or because Tree didn't ask her to stay..?"She was touched. Two tears rolled down her crimson cheeks."Tree didn't ask her to stay.." She whispered.
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P/S:
A meaningful story.. Cherish what you have.. Dont end up like them.. =)
- evileen
Saturday, June 18, 2005
Wan to buy anything also cannot..Might has well starve myself to death.. then die.. then maybe reborn again, into a different place.. Start everything from afresh.. Have a new life.. =(
All i wanna say .... MY LIFE SUX MORE THAN ANYONE!
- evileen
Friday, June 17, 2005
I assume it's tiredness that leads to my blurness.
During IFA tutorial..staring into blank space again, and panicked when Mrs Seah asked me question.. *swt* "Sorry, I blur liao"...
During lunch time, helped the girls to buy drinks, =.=" cant even hold the cup properly.. all the ice fell off, argh~
Haha funny that aining came over to ask what happened, then dont know what she was laughing after we placed the drinks on the table */hmm, scratch head..*
The saddest part is the indian stall's nasi brani, IT SUCKS BIG TIME MAN!!!
Not that it tastes awful.. it has an unusual smell...err.. the smell of.."indian"... or is it, "Mama Shop Smell!", after aining tasted abit and commented.. Never treated my food this way before.. I recalled the time, we were sent to little india.. for the heritage tour, I was excited about the trip when I boarded the bus.. but ended up, holding my breadth all the way on the streets of Little India.. Aww man~ the smell was really "strong n MIGHTY!"
P/S: TA05 DONT BUY THE NASI BRANI FROM THE CANTEEN 3 , INDIAN STALL.. IT SUX..I SWEAR.
- evileen
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Is weird though.. Yesterday I couldnt log in my student id account, which i have been using for almost everything,eg, downloading madagascar, the folders easier to access from there, and also for domain purposes in school when there's a need to print something?
Brought it to school today.. reached at around 9.15am, and it started itself with disk-scanning and then when if finishes, everything was fine again.. It might be because..I did the system restore and possibly disk scanning the day before, then before it finished, I turned it off. -_-"
Or perhaps..my lappy likes to go to school with me.
Argh.. everyday is so tiring.. Even though I didnt do much for the tutorials.. $$ seems to be running lower and lower, my brain juice as well..=(
How I wish something exciting to happen, everything is so boring to me. *sigh*
- evileen
Wednesday, June 15, 2005
Yuppie.. My friend finally talked. Previously, I thought I've done something wrong again and that you were angry with me. But just couldnt think of mistakes that I've made. -_-" It's your computer.
Hey hey, today after mac, boarded a bus 74, whaha.. went down the stairs.. "Huimin...." Aww~ my secondary crush XD, who is studying in the same school and same course as me, again XD.
Ta35 so far from mine.. *Sigh* Nvm XD. *Kidding* Finally broke the "firewall" between us, I never talk to guys in secondary school seriously, or rather, very rare. Did physics project together(only two of us, decided by the teacher), chemistry lab partner also.. always board the same bus, but i never dare to talk at all XD.
Haha maybe that's what you will do when you are "electrocuted", become speechless, dont know what to say and will always look away.. And say "goodbye.." before he finished his sentence. -_-"
Then walked extremely super dooper fast. Whoaho!
Yesterday met primary school friend smoking outside my school, Ngee Ann Poly.. Today saw Secondary school crush..XD Who's next? Who will be the one tommorrow...?
- evileen
Monday, June 13, 2005
Today was fun. The assignments were easy and nice to play with, and I'm so excited about the project! XD Creating a keyboard using flash. Whahaha.. But dont know am I capable enough to produce it or not.. =x Nvm, I will try! ^^
On my way to the bustop, as usual, saw a few people smoking at the school entrance. Well, it has always been my old habit of keep looking down on the ground while walking, as if there's gold down there. Suddenly, I heard my name... trying to walk away as fast as possible away from the smokers. "Huimin!! Huimin!!".... EH? It was my friend! Haha a primary school friend.. 5 years.. still can recognize me..But I cant recognize him =x. Hmm..5 years.. people can still recognize me..Does that mean that I still look young? XD Whahaha! But my reaction was weird and "blur".
Dont know what to say, >.<" to find out that my friend is the one polluting the place. And yuppie.. just bought reload card for RO.. Hesistated for so long. XD muahaha. But no choice, have to return a friend 30.9m zeny. Right now have 8.6m zeny, but you never seem to be free leh =( Wont ask anyone to bot for me, coz i will bot for myself better than anyone. Wasted 2mc like that.. haiz, just because my storage got full and knight got 90% overweight and cant hit the monster and died so many hundreds of times.. =( Will try hard to return the zeny as soon as possible, then will train my priest to become advanced job, and maybe play both accounts, then see what I can do with it XD. Just created a new thief in maple yesterday.. because I've added all the wrong stats for my prev. thief, str><" . This one would definitely be stronger, thanks to the people who gave me eqs. Xiexie!
- evileen
Saturday, June 11, 2005
So sian.. Watched "Lion King 1.5"yesterday with tabi and joce. About to cry when the father die that part.. =x But tabi and joce watching it with me, must hold back the tears, or else I will feel embarrassed. =x
Haiz.. really nothing much to do at home.. No life. Perhaps I talked too much. One friend nv give me a single reply. So disappointed. Talking to others, but ignore me =( Dont talk then dont talk lor =( I can dont talk to one person for 2 full years de =( Tried before...
Dont know why I am sick of almost everything. Games are boring.. Dont feel like playing my keyboard.. Dont feel like doing homework.. Dont feel like doing house chores.. Dont feel like eating.. Dont feel like doing anything at all! So, played my own ragnarok (my own server..). Went to look for my best pals, the "MVPs". But dont know why they keep disappearing out of nowhere. Got my golden gear after killing a golden bug.. Darn easy.. just press F3 for about 5 mins, and the MvP will be dead, lying flat on the ground. Here's a picture of my sniper, wearing her new golden headgear.
Really bored. So went to fight my own world of guild war. Killed most of the monsters.. But I cant break the emperium! Maybe I nv set the guild war time bah.. haiz nvm try next time T.T
- evileen
Thursday, June 09, 2005
No idea why I feel so down right now... Trying to hold back the tears. I feel that this is a world I shouldnt be in. A place not for me to wander. No freedom. No rights. No dreams. Nothing.
I just cant understand why people just couldnt spend a bit of effort just to get a cup of drink or place their own belongings on the table or whatever. I am treated just the way a maid is treated.
Wrote "I H a t e M y L i f e" then so many counsellors appeared. Nice one.. But the more I talk to them, the more i will self-pity myself.
I just want to change. Try to do my homework or whatever. But they are not giving me a chance to. I remember the week for last semester, I wasnt in a conducive learning environment to prepare for my exams. I heard quarrels, screams, vulgarities, and whatever that you can hear.
I'm surprised when people tell me stuff like, "i'm surprised, you're living up to this day, admire your perseverance ", "people living in such a situation as you will normally turn out to be different from you", etc.
Couldnt go anywhere at night. That's far too ridiculous. I'm no Cinderella or whatever, have to reach home by 12am , and hey, Cinderella is far better than me! Up to 12am! =.="
I just cant believe my life is going to carry on like that. Not really bothered that I cant attend gatherings, but rather the fact that I cant have my decision and freedom!
Well, I'm no child any longer. Some might think that I'm living in a world of my own. But that's not my choice.. And I want to rule my own world.
Just like what a particular actor mentioned in the drama, " If you never let go of your child, always afraid that he will fall, then never give him an opportunity to try, how would you know he might fall? And it would be forever, you want that child to be with you forever. Never letting go of him, and things will never change for the better."
- evileen
Wednesday, June 08, 2005
Whoa.. reached school too early again, at around 8.30am, we stayed around in Canteen 1 , trying to wait for the time to be purposely late for lesson. Reached school too early, and yet wanted to be late.Whahaha..!! XD
Today was IFA (intermediate finance accounting) lecture and FIT( not fit but Finance of International Trade =P). I wasnt sure what is going on at all. When it came to my turn to answering one of the questions for FIT tutorial, I was in a blank. I didnt understand a single thingy ! T.T Everything was like "chim-ology". At least the answers I gave was correct, it was based on just intuition.
The quiz.. haiz i think i will fail terribly T.T
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Hmm, regarding my hair.. Girls, XD I will try my best to change it de. Now I'm saving money, not sure enough or not.. Just found out just now from my current savings at home..I have $70+. Actually $100+ but $30 is all $1 coins XD I saved for collection de, but dont wanna touch it..
Hehe.. Maybe by the time my birthday arrives.. then might be enough to go bah..i think.
Quite looking forward to it too.. Maybe put on contact lens in the near future..because one kor saw me in the morning without specs, then he cant regconize me. Whaha! Then asked me to change to contact lens..The other kor also asked me to wear contact lens. I will try..see first, dunno ugly anot =x. And also change my outfit..As I 've mentioned,"Live life to the fullest" eh? And I want to be a changed person as well, be more sensible and less playful. Hehe..^.^
Dont worry for me girls XD I will definitely try my best de ^^. Ahoy!~ hahah..
- evileen
Tuesday, June 07, 2005
Today dinner was 7 dishes. So much. So full.
And I learnt that Gu Gong's daughter-in-law died at such an young age.. and was just married only..she died of birth labour T.T So scary de, and also sad for that uncle.. Coz anyone wouldnt have thought that this would happen.. and is so sudden.. He must have pinned high hopes.. for a child.. but in the end, he lost the wife. T.T so sad.. Why life is but a tragedy..? WHY WHY WHY??!!!
Perhaps..In life, we shouldnt pinned too high hopes on anything, for the greater you expect, the more disappointment you will get.
- evileen
This morning woke up at around 6am.
As usual, ate my breakfast, got changed, and was about to leave the house.
"Eileen, why dont wait for your father? Can fetch u ma.."
"Err..nah.. I think walking to the MRT station might be better.. since it's nearer to walk there directly."
I dont know why. Somehow, I feel that I said something that wasn't right. I was just being frank. Going to the MRT station by vehicle will be much distant and takes more time.
Perhaps he thought that I am just like my kor, despise the parents.. But I never..
I only dislike the facts that the mother is unreasonable most of the time, and the father.. well, a person who listen to the wife? =.="
I felt bad actually. I could read people's mind. Maybe I shouldn't be so frank..
I recalled the day before how I shouted at them both. I was in a foul mood. But couldn't recall why. I just feel like shouting everything out all the bits and pieces from my mind, and cry? Just dont know why.. Perhaps..I was too stressed ><"
I reached the school far too early..
It was 7.30am. The doors are still locked. I sat outside the lifts, with two other unfamiliar students, all alone. I thought Monday is gonna be boring if I'm not going to make more friends in that class. To my astonishment, I saw Siti with her friend! ^^Make a new friend today.. And most importantly, I'm not alone!! ^^
Today's assignment was easy. We were taught some simple programming.
Eg, the words behind "//" are words that of your own comments and not command of that script.
Eg,the words behind "/*" will be command? then will always be ended with "*/"=X i blur le.. paiseh..
Just finished my assignment, I received a message from kor. Wah Lau..Dont even know how to message properly.. "Gu Gong's daughter passed away..plz come back earlier, mama wants you to be back home fast, and prepared your lunch already." =.= is not daughter , IS DAUGHTER IN LAW =.=
No wonder I cant recall when he has got a daughter.. So old le..How can it be possible to have daughter de right?
On my way to the bustop back home.. Saw angelia and tabi.. =D
And nora too !~
Haha if you all reading my blog, you should know why I walked so fast le hor? XD
On the bus, mom called me. Whenever I pick up her call, I will feel "malu" because her voice projects into the phone really LOUD! I mean LOUD. REALLY REALLY LOUD. Just like a speaker. Anyone who are just seated next to me can hear de. =.=" So, I always have to lower my phone settings volume.. So mafan! Her speech is always not straight to the point. After hearing for 1 or 2 mins, Z.z the contents is still not there! And she's like a old tape recorder.. playing repetition. XD (p/s: dont call my house and tell her this hor =P, and also, try not to call my house, or later some people will "get" it..She's eccentric, dont know how to explain this part =x)
Just before I took the lift, a black butterfly touched me!
I hated butterflies.. They symbolizes bad omen..somemore is black =.=
I reached in a rush, quickly swept the floor and do almost everything for my mom jus like a maid in a marathon.
She kept saying she would be late. But the funeral wont shift right? In addition, She pulled a long long face for me to see, and I couldnt understand why. The person who passed might be related in a way or another, but, I'm sure she's not that close to her anyway..But what makes her face so black??
She kept saying "chee byes", for I really dont know why people want to use this term as a vulgarity. Saying those words, would that her feel much better?
Finally she was gone, after aunt and her hubby, arrived at our house downstairs, to give her a lift.
I was not in any mood to do anything but to make new skins =D
Here's my "another blog" but i'm still using this. Take a look and tell me which is nice?
-My another blog-
- evileen
Sunday, June 05, 2005
Hehehe...NEW LAYOUT AGAIN!!
Dont know why i couldnt accept the previous layout. Couldnt sleep well because of it!
Now is acceptable already. Yipee ^^
So sian this morning
[took a pic of gougou, i wore a hairband for her =P]
- evileen
Saturday, June 04, 2005
Look at the status bar below! I added in the words myself ^^ yeah~
IF you dont have the status bar available at the bottom of your screen, go to menu bar>view>check the status bar> Done!
- evileen
Hehehe.. Just started playing maple, and just found out how to post a picture like this. ^.^ Isn't it nice?
- evileen